Friday, June 28, 2019

"What can change the nature of a man? Is it drugs? It's drugs" - Narcomancer and Beeromancer Wizard Schools

I've had both of these wizard schools sitting in my generator for months now, without a problem. Now I have had two Narcomancers and a Beeromancer show up, and it is a nightmare.

So I'm inflicting it upon you, gentle reader. Hubris!

First time is free. Then you pay. Credit Lester Camacho

Perk: All drugs you prepare take effect instantly, and you can take them as a free action.

Drawback: Disadvantage on checks involving courtesy, partying or appearance.

Starting equipment: Three caches of drugs, three doses each.

Here are some excellent lists of drugs, many of them showing up summarised in the list below.
  1. Alterket (+damage resistance, -dodge, immune to pain and can't feel HP)
  2. Notcoke (+attack, +initiative, save vs. impulse decisions)
  3. Otherpot (immune to illusions and spell-interuption, save vs. screwups when you try anything new)
  4. Unmandy (+ranged attacks, read emotions through facial expressions, very chatty and no filter, save vs. distractions)
  5. Oblian (+damage, +HP, -awareness, save vs. naps)
  6. Tooka (predict all opponent actions, 1-in-6 it's just too confusing and makes you feel sick)
  7. Tuss (+Int, +Wis, +spell research, -Dex)
  8. Talkleaf (+initiative, +save vs. fear, -carrying capacity, makes you nervous if you can't smoke)
  9. Crate (+Con, +endurance, -focus, difficulty judging time)
  10. Terrorleaf (+Str, +rage, +save vs. charm, paranoia and psychotic breaks)
  11. Coffee (+Wis, +Dex, each dose makes up for 2 hours lost sleep, +crit fail range)
  12. Drill (+save, body load fills inventory slots, [dose]% chance of hallucinating vermin)
  13. Silvercaps (immune to nausea and sickness, -fall damage, body load fills inventory slots)
  14. Pixie Dust (+float off the ground, +Cha, -Wis, save vs. sparkles)
  15. Wizard Teeth* (+1 MD for the day, -save)
  16. Fizzbop* (+2 MD for the next spell, +1 Instability Die, -save)
  17. Talakeshi Jelly (+initiative, +Str, doubled food requirements, all breakdowns/insanities are psychosis)
  18. Mevverwen** (+euphoria, forget the last N rounds, removes mental effects in that time, -Wis)
  19. Angelshit (+Wis, +inventory but lose items if not drugged up, save vs. horror at the sight of corners)
  20. Brood*** (+max HP, feel bugs everywhere, save vs. eating coal/dirt/tar/sulphur)
*Each Tolerance point decreases your MD-keep-range by 1. So, starting at keep 1-3, lose 4-6, the first point of Tolerance changes this to keep 1-2, lose 3-6. If your keep range drops below 1, you lose a point of max MD and start again at keep 1-3.
**Each point of Tolerance will eat the first floating X you gain that day
***A random body part grows insect legs per Tolerance in addition to -1 max HP. Pray that it isn't important/internal, as it might try and escape

Usage rules (very slightly edited from here):
  • Each drug has several effects listed, upsides, downsides and side-effects. 
  • When you take N doses of a drug, you take:
    • +N to any of the upsides
    • -N to the downsides
    • And make saves or suffer a side-effect 
  • At the end of a day when you took drugs, make a CON check with...
    • Add your Wisdom modifier
    • Add your Tolerance
      • If you fail, gain a point of Tolerance

  • Represents the drug becoming less effective for you
  • If there are any upsides, each point of Tolerance gives you a negative to that stat
    • If upsides are non-numerical, figure out the opposite of it, or apply a penalty to the relevant trait
    • If the drug has an * after it, then the Tolerance penalty is different
  • For instance, a point of Tolerance to Notcoke will give you -1 Attack and -1 Initiative. Luckily, you can just take a hit to cancel it out! Lucky, lucky you...

Recovery and Withdrawal
  • If you go a week without taking you have Tolerance for, make the same CON check, but subtract your Tolerance instead of adding it
    • If you succeed, lose a point of Tolerance
    • If you fail, the effects of the Tolerance are at x2 until you take a hit
      • If you fail again next week, the effects are at x3 etc.

  1. Confusion
  2. Animate Powder
  3. Inflict Withdrawal
  4. Phantom Limb
  5. Circle of Mushrooms
  6. Sleep
  7. Profitable Curse
  8. Haste
  9. Teleport Substance
  10. Cone of Numbness
  11. Brain Swap
  12. Extract Essence

R: 30ft T: creature D: [sum] rounds
For the duration, the target cannot differentiate between friend or foe, different directions, or specific items, so long as they are even slightly similar

Animate Powder
R: touch T: drug D: [sum] minutes
Turns the drug into a tiny critter (1 HP, 0 Def), changing form depending on the drug. Can apply themselves to a willing target, but an unwilling target can swat it away with an attack roll. Stimulants have +[dice] Defence, relaxants have +[dice] HP, hallucinogens can change appearance randomly and do so each round.

Inflict Withdrawal
R: eye-line T: creature D: [sum] rounds
This spell requires taking a hit of a drug while staring at the target. The drug takes effect as normal, but for the duration of the spell, the target must endure the effects of [dose]x[dice] Tolerance. If you have no personal Tolerance to the drug being used, Save ends.

Phantom Limb
R: 50ft T: limb D: [sum] rounds
For the duration, you control the actions of that limb each round. Target can make a Strength-[dice] check as an action to try and prevent it. In addition, you take half of any damage inflicted specifically on that limb.

Circle of Mushrooms
R: 10ft T: floor beneath caster D: instant
Roll 1d8+[dice] on the following table. Roll at -2 if the floor is solid rock or something equally inhospitable, +1 if the floor is coated in manure of a particular quality:

2. or less: green slime. Oh dear...
3. Stinking fungus, causes severe gastric distress if eaten, or even smelt too much
4. Wriggleweed, will try and eat your shoes
5. Edible, if disgusting, 1d4-1 rations
6. Mushmice, highly mobile, useful distractions
7. Potent hallucinogens, save vs. bad trip
8. Edible, 1d4+[dice] rations
9. Tasty, exquisitely poisonous, save or die if eaten
10. Truffles! Will go off remarkably quickly, but valuable while fresh
11. Purgatives, useful for rebalancing the humours and clearing out whatever other poisonous mushrooms you've eaten...
12. or more: Own choice!

Profitable Curse
R: 30ft T: creature D: [dice] hours
If the target creatures dies before this spell elapses, and they are under the effects of a particular drug, their corpse contains [dose]x[dice] additional doses of the drug. Extracting these doses is likely to be gross, messy, risky and result in inferior product.

Teleport Substance
R: [dice]x10ft T: creature D: [sum] rounds
Up to [dice] doses of a substance are swapped with an equal quantity of water within the target. If they succeed on the save, then the next nearest target must make a save. This continues until the water is successfully swapped.

Cone of Numbness

R: 15ft cone T: creatures D: [sum] rounds
All targets have -4 on the first roll they make each round.

Emblem Spells

Brain Swap
R: touch T: creature and self, or two creatures D: instant
If an unwilling target has more than [dice] HD, they can make a Save to negate. If both targets are unwilling, the higher HD/Save is used. If the spell is successful, then all the memories, spells, and abilities are transferred between the two. If either body had Tolerance to a drug, then half of it is left behind, as are any Withdrawal symptoms. This is a heretofore unknown spell to society, but will be condemned as Necromancy is if discovered.

Extract Essence
R: touch T: creature ability D: [sum] hours
Unwilling targets can Save to negate, unless the caster has ten minutes of contact to cast the spell. Once complete, the ability is compressed into an elixir, philtre, powder or potion, and can be consumed. The ability will return when the spell expires, and some exceptionally strong abilities will lose an hour of duration per active use.


  1. Gain 1 trauma
  2. Take 1d6 damage
  3. Mutation for 1d6 turns, save or permanent
  4. Spell hits a random additional target
  5. Unable to discern friend or foe for 1d6 rounds
  6. Gain a point of tolerance

  1. All (all) bodily fluids are replaced with mild opiates. -1d4 Constitution, permanently
  2. One of your limbs permanently turns into a lump of highly addictive substance, heretofore undiscovered. It's mostly immovable and completely useless.
  3. The rest of your body follows suit, 3-in-6 to remain conscious, but you are effectively a corpse

This Doom could be prevented by taking the Angelic Ultimate Detox. Which obliterates every internal organ. Usually. It is also only ever given to good people. Taking drugs is a sin.

PARTAAYY. Credit André Meister

Perk: If you gain five drunkenness in one day, gain +1 MD. Anyone assisting you in casting a spell can "contribute" their drunkenness to it, usually by saying "I love you man" or throwing up while leaning on you.

Drawback: Can't cast spells if completely sober.

Starting equipment: Three potent drinks, each worth three drunkenness.

(Alcohol is simple - each point of Drunkenness increases critical fail range by 1)

  1. Enchant Improvised Weapon
  2. Cure Wounds*
  3. Water to Wine
  4. Wine to Vodka
  5. Explode Alcohol
  6. Aura of Intoxication
  7. Wizard Vision
  8. Detect Party
  9. Purge Body
  10. Shape Alcohol
  11. Eldritch Hangover
  12. Summon Party

Enchant Improvised Weapon
R: touch T: non-weapon object D: one fight
The next attack you make with target object deals +[sum] damage, at +[dice] to-hit, breaks the object and ends the spell.

Water to Wine
R: touch T: body of water D: permanent
Turns [sum] litres of water into low-grade hooch. Alternatively, deals [sum]/2 poison damage to touched creature, save for half, as well as [dice] drunkenness.

Wine to Vodka
R: touch T: wine or other alcoholic beverage D: permanent
Condenses up to [sum] litres of wine, or whatever you have on hand, into a collection of drinks that is [dice]x2 times stronger and lower in volume, producing a cloud of steam. This also traps many magical impurities in the process, save vs. Mishap if you cast any Beeromancy spells on or with drinks produced by this spell.

Explode Alcohol (based on Explode Corpse)
R: 50ft T: booze D: instant
Target container or puddle explodes, dealing damage in a [dice]x5' radius, Save vs Dexterity for half. The maximum damage dealt is dependent on the potency:
Swill: 1
Beer/Wine: 1d6
Spirits, liquors: 2d6
Rare and weird: 3d6
Ancient, eldritch and/or one-of-a-kind: 6d6

Aura of Intoxication
R: 20ft radius T: self D: [sum] minutes
Everyone in the Aura has [dice]x2 additional Drunkenness.

Detect Party
R: [sum] miles T: party D: instant
You know the direction and approximate route to the nearest gathering of two or more people where the majority are having a good time. You can add [dice] additional conditions, like "needs a drink" or "nobody hungers for human flesh".

Purge Body
R: touch T: creature D: [dice] rounds
Target must save vs. horrendous bodily disfunction (i.e. stun) each round. It's messy as hell, but they can make a new save against any ingested poisons, beverages or drugs each round. If you are mad, you might be able to recover some of whatever they... relieve themselves of.

Shape Alcohol
R: 100ft T: drunk creatures D: instant
Deals [sum] damage to any creature within 20ft of a given point that is drunk. In addition, as Shape Water, only applying to alcohol of course.

Emblem Spells

Eldritch Hangover
R: touch T: one creature D: until dispelled
As Bestow Curse, with zero of the normal backlash on you. However, any hangover cure has a 50% chance of dispelling the curse, with only a single chance at working. Save+4 negates, at a [sum] penalty. If they target saves, they suffer a crippling headache and a tongue tasting like cat vomit for [sum] rounds instead, to no other effect.

Summon Party
R: 0 T: self D: [sum] hours
Brings [sum] people to a given location, with the specific and general purpose of having a good time and getting to know each other. While this spell does seem to be merely the result of popularity and coincidence, it is an actual magical effect. When cast, pick [dice] of the following, and roll one at random:
  1. They arrive in minutes, if not seconds.
  2. Everyone brings enough food and booze for everyone else.
  3. They come armed and potentially armoured.
  4. They arrive on entirely unsuitable means of transport, potentially the infamous flying Booze Boat of Captain Joe of the 77nd [sic] Beer Battalion, the original Beeromancer.
  5. You can specifically invite [dice] people by name, they'll be there no matter what, so long as they are within [sum] miles. Don't invite dead people, it's just not worth it.
  6. Their raucous cacophony is guaranteed to bring the local authorities within 2d6 rounds, wherever you are.
  7. Local humanoids will wander in and, after having a great time, think the party members are awesome.
  8. BYOP - Bring Your Own Potions!
  9. The Party is a pool party, and you weren't informed. Luckily, they brought their own water.
  10. The Party sends a representative of the Central Committee to give you your next set of nonsensical orders
  11. Half the party is partly imaginary, and will forget anything negative that they experience during the party.
  12. A surprise guest will join the party halfway through! They will be famous, supernatural or just incredibly fun, potentially all three.


  1. Gain 1 trauma
  2. Take 1d6 damage
  3. Mutation for 1d6 turns, save or permanent
  4. Random stat is halved until you sober up
  5. Random limb becomes hostile to you, 2d6 rounds
  6. Forced purge, lose all drunkenness… messily

  1. The next time you carouse, you and everyone that carouses with you wakes up in a completely new location, with half of your inventory replaced with random items, and no memory of how you got there.
  2. Your liver packs up shop and leaves. Roll to determine which way it exits. One hour after taking any drink, you take 1d6 poison damage. Your Save vs. Poison drops to 1.
  3. Terrible but completely ordinary accident once per day if you are drunk, save vs. death unless you stay completely sober.
Avoiding the Doom, apart from not drinking, is incredibly difficult. Having your biology completely replaced is a start, but fundamentally, if you aren't being poisoned by booze, the magic doesn't flow. Perhaps try combining the weirdness of the Archaeans with the susceptibility of the Myconids.

Monday, June 17, 2019

Grimoire Generator - NO REFUNDS

Ritual components:

Tuesday, June 4, 2019

"Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds" - Quick OSR Afterlives

"Next". Credit Harshanand Singh

Here's what happens when you die. Firstly, you are judged by a Court of Death (i.e. all the other players):
  • For every notable sin, -1. Sins you have confessed and been absolved of don’t count.
  • For every intentional mutation, -1
  • If you weren’t buried, -1
  • If your soul is damaged in any way, -2
  • If your soul is missing or seriously damaged, another -2
  • If you soul belongs to someone else, -5
  • For every notable good deed, +1
  • If you had a proper funeral, +1
  • If you’ve paid your tithe recently, +2
  • If you’re in really good standing with the church, another +2
  • If you died for a truly noble cause, +5

If you want, you can delay the accounting of your death by up to a day. This might help if your body is in the process of being recovered, or a funeral is being organised. A "burial" can be any appropriate rite, whether internment underground or having your ashes scattered (just not eaten, melted or left to rot somewhere). A funeral requires all present to say a few words, at the very least. If you didn't get a proper burial, then a funeral also requires either a memorial built or a priest paid to officiate.

Then, roll 1d20+[total] to find out your fate:
  1. or less: Even Hell Doesn’t Want You. Fall for eternity in the endless void beyond space and time.
  2. Devil Prince Gestalt. You make up part of his left pinky toenail.
  3. Naked, Burning and Stabbed. Go to Hell, and you’re in the Seven Circles.
  4. Poisonous Soul. Go to Hell. If you didn’t get a funeral, wherever your body ended up becomes steadily more evil and corrupted.
  5. Bog-Standard Sinner. Go to Hell, mostly ignored.
  6. Eaten by a Demon. Delicious!
  7. Summoned Back. End up in some necromancer’s wacky scheme.
  8. Rest In Peace. If you aren’t buried and are mostly intact, rise as a zombie.
  9. Bureaucratic Mixup. Spend a hundred years in purgatory before getting it “sorted out”.
  10. Not Quite Gone. Forced to haunt either the place you died, or the party.
  11. Edge of Heaven. Spend a hundred years as a penitent angel, bound wings and leaden sandals for you!
  12. Scraped In. Go to Heaven… eventually, you’ll be waiting in line for a hundred years at least.
  13. Eternal Rest. If you got a funeral, go to Heaven.
  14. Needed Again. Your tattered soul is used to fuel a ‘Cure Wounds’ spell (if you want, roll a hit-location table to find out where)
  15. One With Everything. Become part of the trees and flowers and sky and bears.
  16. Revenant. Do you have any unfinished business? If so, you can return at full HP. You can no longer gain XP or heal, and gradually flake away into gold sparkles. Else or afterwards, go to Heaven.
  17. Part of the Choir. Go to Heaven. All bodily features smoothed out, you'll be standing behind a golden throne for eternity.
  18. Eternal Life of Luxury. Go to Heaven. It’s pretty boring, to be honest.
  19. First in Line for Reincarnation. Whether you like it or not.
  20. or more: Handpicked Angel. You’ll be on the front lines when the next holy war breaks out. Until then, the party can call upon you once, ever. You’re too busy beyond that.