Friday, December 27, 2019

Automatic List to HTML Translator - Version 3

Version 3.1 and all future versions can be found here

New features:
- External formatting modifier
- Markdown
- Recursion up to depth 20
- Improved input readability (just copy in ordinary tables with common-sense titles, even with numbers or dashes)
- Improved output readability (even if you don't know how JS works, you should be able to edit the generator in post)
- Test using the same function as the live generator
- Fewer bugs???

include "show tables" option:

Saturday, December 21, 2019

Santicorn 2019: Creatures Amidst the Ash

James Young, the wonderful organiser of this years Santicorn, had the following request:

Every few weeks, a poisonous fog that turns all organic life it touches to ash sweeps over the land. What creatures have evolved to survive in this hostile place?

Well done to all the other participants!

Kludge-Gubble: a depressed ash-ling frog made from slain creatures

Exactly like this, but dry and powdery instead of slimy

What can be said about the kludge-gubble that hasn’t already been said by itself? The frog-shaped creature can be heard above the desolate wind once the Fog has passed, croaking “Woe! Woe is me!” to anyone that will hear. Nobody will hear. Because they’re all dead. You hear that kludge-gubble? It’s not all that bad. Kludge-gubbles vary in size from ordinary frog, all the way up to bull-sized sedentary brutes. If torn to shreds, each individual part has approximately 50% chance of becoming a new "baby" kludge.

As far as anyone can tell, kludge-gubbles are composed almost entirely of the ash produced by creatures killed in the Fog. They have the nutritional capacity of boiled mud and their mournful croaking is enough to turn the stomach. Nonetheless, croc-vultures have been observed to land and shred the helpless beasts out of simple spite. Isn’t nature wonderful?

Helicorose: An incredibly delicate flower, that spins to produce clear air

Probably invented by a wizard as some strange attraction, this flower is otherwise helpless against common pests, and would never normally survive in the world. In the ash-washed landscapes post-Fog, free of weeds or any pests, the helicorose can flower. Looking like a mix between an orchid, an avant-garde wind-powered sculpture and a windmill, it spins constantly producing a consistent bubble of clear air directly adjacent to the main stem.

Amidst the desolation wrought by the Fog, gobabbits and croc-vultures often form an uneasy truce. Then more and more of the creatures flee into the cramped bubble. One of them is pushed, knocking into the helicorose… which explodes. The delicate flower shatters into crystalline fragments, the Fog rushes in, and kills everything sheltering within the bubble of air.

Nobody knows how the helicorose grows, or how it could be produced in a more resilient form. All anyone knows is, two can share a helicorose, but three will always break it.

Gobabbits: Half rabbit, half goblin, all dreadful

Like this but worse. Credit Jonathan Fletcher

Each gobabbit has 1d6 limbs, 1d6 eyes, and 1d4 mouths. They are only barely functional creatures, but that is their one redeeming feature: survival through disorganisation. Indisputably an evolutionary mistake, gobabbits take all the worst parts of a goblin and all the worst parts of a rabbit, somehow creating something more dreadful than the sum of its parts

They are busy and confused creatures, and can be seen squirming up from ash-covered hatching grounds within moments of the Fogs passing. Foraging for scraps, fighting, laying their foul rubbery eggs and... mating, make up their entire short lives, before dying in some manner or another. They are incredibly resilient to disease and injury, being composed mostly of undifferentiated cancer-like tissues. Even so, they are squashed, crushed, carried off by croc-vultures, burnt in steam-vents and fall of cliffs by their hundreds. They are an unavoidable pest, unfarmable, untameable, and generally obnoxious.

Someone who survives the death of the rest of their group by hiding in corpses, throwing themselves off a high ledge, or simply fleeing naked into the darkness, is often referred to as a "gobabbit". It's a mixed insult/accolade, to be sure.

Nuclear Albatross

Perhaps there is only one nuclear albatross. Perhaps it is the first or last of its species. Maybe it is a scout from another planet or eon, sent to observe the devastation we have wrought on ourselves.  Whatever the case, this creature is perfectly capable of spending months on the wing, high above the Fog, warming the wind beneath their wings with the radioactive heat pouring between their lead ribcage.

What does the nuclear albatross have in its mouth?
  1. A ponds-worth of rare, possibly extinct fish
  2. A merchant, who made a very bad deal
  3. A nuclear albatross chick. So cute, only slightly radioactive, very hungry
  4. Twelve ingots of +1 magic metal
  5. A croc-vulture that has just woken up. Surprise!
  6. Water-proof grimoire and an asphyxiated wizard

Death Slime

The humble ooze, normally so resilient, was wiped out almost completely by the Fog. Only one midnight-black subspecies was capable of surviving the onslaught, and has grown to fill the ecological and geological niches that are scattered about the Fog-stricken plains. Capable of dying, desiccating and reviving seemingly at-will, the motile slime is one of the first creatures seen moving just after the Fog has passed, scooping up those who still slumber or await the sunrise, setting the horizon aflame through the haze.

Death slime ranchers have had moderate success out in the Fog desert, but cooking them has encountered some difficulties. The methods attempted so far include:

  • Boiling
  • Frying
  • Slime jerky
  • Alcohol infusion
  • Lye stew
  • Pancaking
  • Salad
  • Pickling
  • Poached
  • Burning to ash and made into bread

If you can find a new method that is a) nutritious, b) effective and c) survivable will unlock vast calorific vistas.

Rock-lings: Philosophers of sand and stone

Credit Edgar Gómez
Equipped with inorganic shells of stone, the rock-lings spend their Fogs in sealed, silent meditation. They often enter this self-made isolation with thorny theological problems, emerging after the days of poison with follow-up questions, or even answers. Often, the original asker of the question is so much ash on the breeze, the irony of which is not lost on the rock-lings.

What is this rock-ling considering?

  1. If a Wish spell is cast with the command "I wish this spell was not cast" what would happen?
  2. If the Authority bids you to forsake him, is it a sin to obey, or a sin to disobey?
  3. Where do rats come from?
  4. If two arrows are fired towards the sky, one kills a man and the other lands in the sand, why should one archer be guilty and the other not?
  5. Why... and also... how? (This rock-ling discovered magnetic vodka a few minutes ago)
  6. Nothing at all, just looking pensive


Nobody knows where the croc-vultures go
Maybe they go where the wind doesn't blow
Maybe they fly up up over the snow
Maybe we'll never, ever, ever know

Nobody knows what the croc-vultures eat
What strange ways they have of finding their meat
What do they do in that ash-stricken heat? 
What are these creatures, these horrid elite?

Nobody knows what the croc-vultures see
They chortle in squalor, they savour their glee
They stare from above, when we're ready to flee
They've those round red beady eyes, one, two… three?

But everyone knows
That they're fucking assholes

Friday, November 29, 2019

Heat Tomb, Mend Tusk, Spin Centipede - What to do with weird spells

It never looks anything like this. Credit Greg Rutkowski

I've been dabbling with the Magic Words spell system for a while. Spell research in Die Trying v.1, entirely supplanting traditional GLOG casting in Die Trying v.2, humourously effective in a Grimoire Generator, and soon to supplant the list in my Wand Generator (as soon as I figure out how to swap out the recovery mechanic). It's been funny, challenging, thought-provoking and player engaging, but as I try and move towards something vaguely usable to someone other than me, I've hit a snag: how the hell do I explain how to make spells to someone?

To make sure we are all on the same page, a brief overview - magic words are taught, stolen, eaten or invented, combined into spells of two or more words, then cast using Magic Dice (MD, d6s). All of their numerical values is represented by the [sum] of all the MD rolled, and/or the number of [dice] used in the spell. Wizards can learn spells from a Shared list of generally useful words like "Symbol", "Conjure", "Transmute", from a list of school-related words, or from the full list of 1000 or more. If you want an example, try the Die Trying -> Cheap Tricks generator on the sidebar. You'll get a wizard that comes equipped with one of each of the previous sets.

Magic words are often more symbolic than literal. "Evil" + "Protect" becomes Protection from Evil without any fuss. "Transmute" + "Mud" + "Meat" becomes Transmute Mud to Meat. Prepositions are free, as are a variety of prefixes and suffixes. Twist and turn the spell until it sounds right, reorder it. "Word" becomes "Power Word", don't question it. Working backwards, traditional single-word spells like Grease or Sleep become Conjure Grease and Word: Sleep.

Wizards can freely swap and adjust their spells, they can transmute Mud to Meat as easily as they can transmute Meat to Mud. Since they are given a lot more flexibility than normal, MD in Die Trying do not return to the caster on a 1-3, they are always expended.

Spells might come from a generated scroll or wand, or invented wholesale by a player working with the limited tools they've got on hand. Whatever the case, Die Trying does not (and could not) come with a spell list. It's up to the DM to work out what the spell does, how it works, and what weird side-cases could be used, at short notice, likely in-game. This is a tall order, and something I hope I can help with.

What does the spell do?

Firstly, a lot of spells are just bad weird. Boat Plant? Leg Cabal? Lapse Cheetah? Not all spells are created equal. Some of so niche as to be almost entirely unusable. This is a feature, not a bug. Spell research is hard! Magic is weird and illogical! That said, don't just brush them aside completely. The three spells in the title, Heat Tomb, Mend Tusk, and Spin Centipede were amongst the favourite tools of Andsaca, Consort of Worms, one of the most powerful wizards I've ever had in any of my games. Figuring out how to use such tools was an engaging puzzle in and of itself, beyond any practical use. When faced with such weird combinations, don't try and make the spell better than it needs to be. They'll do something, and one day, perhaps, it'll be exactly what the player needs... but probably not. It isn't your job to invent that problem either!

Secondly, go with your instincts. Better yet, go with what the player(s) think should happen. Common sense will win you the day, and most of the time, players will only try out word combinations with some idea of what the spell will do. If they are malicious and put together bizarre combination of words in attempt to trip you up or trick you, firstly, why are you playing with them? Secondly, you have my full permission for the spell to blow up in their face. Don't mess with magic, because the magic will mess back. That said, magic words are a fun and funny system. Don't punish players that experiment in a clever manner. Do explode cheeky players, because that is just as funny.

Exactly like this

What does the spell do exactly?

Determining the numerical effects of a brand new spell can be scary. If it is under- or over-powered you might end up with a busted game or a disheartened player. That said, there are a lot of tools on your side. The Magic Dice system is tactile and wonderful to use and re-use. If in doubt, the spell deals [sum] damage and has a duration of [dice] rounds.

A lot of trad games have spells that are like lockpicks: they are a standardised and reliable solution to one well-constrained problem. You want spells that are like daggers. Lockpicks do one thing really well, daggers can also be used to pick locks, but not as reliably as lockpicks. This is fine, because daggers can also be used to:

  • Stab things
  • Stab things from far away, via throwing
  • Pry apart things
  • Cut up your dinner
  • Perform surgery
  • Etch your name into walls
  • Stir paint
  • Cauterise a wound when heated

The spells you design should be daggers, not lockpicks. They should solve one problem pretty well, but not perfectly, and have a lot of weird edge-case usage. If you've played Fifth Edition, you have probably experienced the feeling of "can I use X to do Z instead of the intended usage Y? Because A and B and C and also D" and getting the answer of "*flips through the PHB and DMG for fifteen minutes* no."

Finally, don't panic. The restrictions on spells mean they can't be spammed as much as you might think. Sometimes wizards can just wave their hands and solve a problem, and that's ok! Most of the time, they can't. If a spell is over- or under-powered, have a frank and open discussion with the player about the issue, and figure out what kind of changes might need to be made. Maybe the spell is an affront to the universe, and it slowly seals over some of it's power like a scab. Maybe the spell is just so weird and new that it takes the wizard some time getting used to it to unlock the full power.

Sunday, September 29, 2019

Minigame: Potion Roulette

Here's how it works:

Everyone who wants in has to ante up. The last person at the table gets the pot. Whenever it is your turn, pick a "beverage", and drink. If you don't drink, can't drink, obviously cheat, or can't keep it down until at least your next turn, you lose and have to leave the table. Once you touch a drink, it's seen as bad form to put it back. Have fun!

The drinks are a mix of botched potions, gross fluids and literal poisons. That said, you might be able to find an antidote next round! But probably not.

Using this tool: "Refresh Yourselves" to load a new table, each drink has a button next to it when it is drunk and replaced. The players will only see the second list, but are allowed to sniff, scry, mix, dilute and panic as much as they want.

Saturday, August 3, 2019

GLOG Curse: "Wizzard Bidness"

This isn't "Wizard Business". This is "Wizzard Bidness". It's the difference between a scientist and a science enthusiast. Everything is going to go wrong, and it'll be your fault, but man, look at all these results! For further reading, see here.

This is a Curse class for the current GLOGosphere challenge. The first template is accrued through critically failing a Save vs. Fear upon seeing someone else be killed in a horrible accident while visiting the Haunted Alchemabulary. Rather than taking the sensible option of running and screaming, you feel an overwhelming curiosity. Maybe that only happens sometimes. Maybe it happens all the time. Either way, it's time for more TESTS.

Other, truly wonderful and/or bizarre GLOG Curse classes:
Princesses and Pioneers - Curse of the Mirror Struck
A Blasted, Cratered Land - Curse of the Hero
Archon's Court - Nanoweapon Poisoning
Same is Shark in Japanese - Curse of Ska
Slugs and Silver - Curse of the Ogre
Anxious Mimic - Curse of Oath-Rot
Benign Brown Beast - Curse of the Restless Dreamer
Parasites and Paradoxes - Curse of the Doppelganger
Bugbear Slug - Curse of the Abattoir God
Words for Yellow - Several curses in one!

This can only go well. Credit Jan Weßbecher

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

The Fool's Tower - Infinite Dungeon Exploration

Like this, but a little taller. Credit Maksym Harahulin

When you see it come over the horizon, you can't help but rub yours eyes. It looks a little like having an eyelash slowly drop down into your eye, but no matter what you do, it doesn't go away. It stretches up to the clouds and beyond, a flaw in the sky, an error in reality, an impossible structure that should collapse like a castle made of cards stacked end-to-end.

But it endures. Cannon has been brought to bear against it, once. Just once.

The nobles hate it. Peasants will drop tools and wander over from a town across, and flood in through whichever snarling visage the gate presents itself as that day. A couple come out bearing obscure trinkets or bizarre pieces of furniture. Some come out scarred and torn, missing limbs, missing memories. Most don't come out at all.

The rules:
  • Each room contains a small golden key and a wooden door.
  • Touching the key to the door causes both to be destroyed, and the stairs upwards revealed.
  • Both key and door are immune to all spells, and breaking the door reveals only solid rock.
  • Each room will have a number of "elements", preventing easy access to either the key, the door, or other important items. These aren't puzzles, just irritating obstacles, usually dangerous, potentially lethal.
  • The number of elements in each room starts at two, and increases every 1d6 floors.
  • The key will usually be visible, but not always. There will usually be enough light to see by, but not always.
  • Enemies cannot move more than one room away from their starting location, unless they have your express permission.
  • The tower and everything in it resets each visit.
  • A few items are specifically "loot" items, you will be told if this is the case.
  • Everything else is "furniture", and will crumble to ash when removed from the tower, excepting one single chosen item.
  • "Furniture" especially includes trap components, enemies, recruited allies, corpses and chunks of wall.
  • Speaking your true name has palpable force equivalent to the highest floor you have reached.

Friday, June 28, 2019

"What can change the nature of a man? Is it drugs? It's drugs" - Narcomancer and Beeromancer Wizard Schools

I've had both of these wizard schools sitting in my generator for months now, without a problem. Now I have had two Narcomancers and a Beeromancer show up, and it is a nightmare.

So I'm inflicting it upon you, gentle reader. Hubris!

First time is free. Then you pay. Credit Lester Camacho

Perk: All drugs you prepare take effect instantly, and you can take them as a free action.

Drawback: Disadvantage on checks involving courtesy, partying or appearance.

Starting equipment: Three caches of drugs, three doses each.

Here are some excellent lists of drugs, many of them showing up summarised in the list below.
  1. Alterket (+damage resistance, -dodge, immune to pain and can't feel HP)
  2. Notcoke (+attack, +initiative, save vs. impulse decisions)
  3. Otherpot (immune to illusions and spell-interuption, save vs. screwups when you try anything new)
  4. Unmandy (+ranged attacks, read emotions through facial expressions, very chatty and no filter, save vs. distractions)
  5. Oblian (+damage, +HP, -awareness, save vs. naps)
  6. Tooka (predict all opponent actions, 1-in-6 it's just too confusing and makes you feel sick)
  7. Tuss (+Int, +Wis, +spell research, -Dex)
  8. Talkleaf (+initiative, +save vs. fear, -carrying capacity, makes you nervous if you can't smoke)
  9. Crate (+Con, +endurance, -focus, difficulty judging time)
  10. Terrorleaf (+Str, +rage, +save vs. charm, paranoia and psychotic breaks)
  11. Coffee (+Wis, +Dex, each dose makes up for 2 hours lost sleep, +crit fail range)
  12. Drill (+save, body load fills inventory slots, [dose]% chance of hallucinating vermin)
  13. Silvercaps (immune to nausea and sickness, -fall damage, body load fills inventory slots)
  14. Pixie Dust (+float off the ground, +Cha, -Wis, save vs. sparkles)
  15. Wizard Teeth* (+1 MD for the day, -save)
  16. Fizzbop* (+2 MD for the next spell, +1 Instability Die, -save)
  17. Talakeshi Jelly (+initiative, +Str, doubled food requirements, all breakdowns/insanities are psychosis)
  18. Mevverwen** (+euphoria, forget the last N rounds, removes mental effects in that time, -Wis)
  19. Angelshit (+Wis, +inventory but lose items if not drugged up, save vs. horror at the sight of corners)
  20. Brood*** (+max HP, feel bugs everywhere, save vs. eating coal/dirt/tar/sulphur)
*Each Tolerance point decreases your MD-keep-range by 1. So, starting at keep 1-3, lose 4-6, the first point of Tolerance changes this to keep 1-2, lose 3-6. If your keep range drops below 1, you lose a point of max MD and start again at keep 1-3.
**Each point of Tolerance will eat the first floating X you gain that day
***A random body part grows insect legs per Tolerance in addition to -1 max HP. Pray that it isn't important/internal, as it might try and escape

Usage rules (very slightly edited from here):
  • Each drug has several effects listed, upsides, downsides and side-effects. 
  • When you take N doses of a drug, you take:
    • +N to any of the upsides
    • -N to the downsides
    • And make saves or suffer a side-effect 
  • At the end of a day when you took drugs, make a CON check with...
    • Add your Wisdom modifier
    • Add your Tolerance
      • If you fail, gain a point of Tolerance

  • Represents the drug becoming less effective for you
  • If there are any upsides, each point of Tolerance gives you a negative to that stat
    • If upsides are non-numerical, figure out the opposite of it, or apply a penalty to the relevant trait
    • If the drug has an * after it, then the Tolerance penalty is different
  • For instance, a point of Tolerance to Notcoke will give you -1 Attack and -1 Initiative. Luckily, you can just take a hit to cancel it out! Lucky, lucky you...

Recovery and Withdrawal
  • If you go a week without taking you have Tolerance for, make the same CON check, but subtract your Tolerance instead of adding it
    • If you succeed, lose a point of Tolerance
    • If you fail, the effects of the Tolerance are at x2 until you take a hit
      • If you fail again next week, the effects are at x3 etc.

  1. Confusion
  2. Animate Powder
  3. Inflict Withdrawal
  4. Phantom Limb
  5. Circle of Mushrooms
  6. Sleep
  7. Profitable Curse
  8. Haste
  9. Teleport Substance
  10. Cone of Numbness
  11. Brain Swap
  12. Extract Essence

R: 30ft T: creature D: [sum] rounds
For the duration, the target cannot differentiate between friend or foe, different directions, or specific items, so long as they are even slightly similar

Animate Powder
R: touch T: drug D: [sum] minutes
Turns the drug into a tiny critter (1 HP, 0 Def), changing form depending on the drug. Can apply themselves to a willing target, but an unwilling target can swat it away with an attack roll. Stimulants have +[dice] Defence, relaxants have +[dice] HP, hallucinogens can change appearance randomly and do so each round.

Inflict Withdrawal
R: eye-line T: creature D: [sum] rounds
This spell requires taking a hit of a drug while staring at the target. The drug takes effect as normal, but for the duration of the spell, the target must endure the effects of [dose]x[dice] Tolerance. If you have no personal Tolerance to the drug being used, Save ends.

Phantom Limb
R: 50ft T: limb D: [sum] rounds
For the duration, you control the actions of that limb each round. Target can make a Strength-[dice] check as an action to try and prevent it. In addition, you take half of any damage inflicted specifically on that limb.

Circle of Mushrooms
R: 10ft T: floor beneath caster D: instant
Roll 1d8+[dice] on the following table. Roll at -2 if the floor is solid rock or something equally inhospitable, +1 if the floor is coated in manure of a particular quality:

2. or less: green slime. Oh dear...
3. Stinking fungus, causes severe gastric distress if eaten, or even smelt too much
4. Wriggleweed, will try and eat your shoes
5. Edible, if disgusting, 1d4-1 rations
6. Mushmice, highly mobile, useful distractions
7. Potent hallucinogens, save vs. bad trip
8. Edible, 1d4+[dice] rations
9. Tasty, exquisitely poisonous, save or die if eaten
10. Truffles! Will go off remarkably quickly, but valuable while fresh
11. Purgatives, useful for rebalancing the humours and clearing out whatever other poisonous mushrooms you've eaten...
12. or more: Own choice!

Profitable Curse
R: 30ft T: creature D: [dice] hours
If the target creatures dies before this spell elapses, and they are under the effects of a particular drug, their corpse contains [dose]x[dice] additional doses of the drug. Extracting these doses is likely to be gross, messy, risky and result in inferior product.

Teleport Substance
R: [dice]x10ft T: creature D: [sum] rounds
Up to [dice] doses of a substance are swapped with an equal quantity of water within the target. If they succeed on the save, then the next nearest target must make a save. This continues until the water is successfully swapped.

Cone of Numbness

R: 15ft cone T: creatures D: [sum] rounds
All targets have -4 on the first roll they make each round.

Emblem Spells

Brain Swap
R: touch T: creature and self, or two creatures D: instant
If an unwilling target has more than [dice] HD, they can make a Save to negate. If both targets are unwilling, the higher HD/Save is used. If the spell is successful, then all the memories, spells, and abilities are transferred between the two. If either body had Tolerance to a drug, then half of it is left behind, as are any Withdrawal symptoms. This is a heretofore unknown spell to society, but will be condemned as Necromancy is if discovered.

Extract Essence
R: touch T: creature ability D: [sum] hours
Unwilling targets can Save to negate, unless the caster has ten minutes of contact to cast the spell. Once complete, the ability is compressed into an elixir, philtre, powder or potion, and can be consumed. The ability will return when the spell expires, and some exceptionally strong abilities will lose an hour of duration per active use.


  1. Gain 1 trauma
  2. Take 1d6 damage
  3. Mutation for 1d6 turns, save or permanent
  4. Spell hits a random additional target
  5. Unable to discern friend or foe for 1d6 rounds
  6. Gain a point of tolerance

  1. All (all) bodily fluids are replaced with mild opiates. -1d4 Constitution, permanently
  2. One of your limbs permanently turns into a lump of highly addictive substance, heretofore undiscovered. It's mostly immovable and completely useless.
  3. The rest of your body follows suit, 3-in-6 to remain conscious, but you are effectively a corpse

This Doom could be prevented by taking the Angelic Ultimate Detox. Which obliterates every internal organ. Usually. It is also only ever given to good people. Taking drugs is a sin.

PARTAAYY. Credit André Meister

Perk: If you gain five drunkenness in one day, gain +1 MD. Anyone assisting you in casting a spell can "contribute" their drunkenness to it, usually by saying "I love you man" or throwing up while leaning on you.

Drawback: Can't cast spells if completely sober.

Starting equipment: Three potent drinks, each worth three drunkenness.

(Alcohol is simple - each point of Drunkenness increases critical fail range by 1)

  1. Enchant Improvised Weapon
  2. Cure Wounds*
  3. Water to Wine
  4. Wine to Vodka
  5. Explode Alcohol
  6. Aura of Intoxication
  7. Wizard Vision
  8. Detect Party
  9. Purge Body
  10. Shape Alcohol
  11. Eldritch Hangover
  12. Summon Party

Enchant Improvised Weapon
R: touch T: non-weapon object D: one fight
The next attack you make with target object deals +[sum] damage, at +[dice] to-hit, breaks the object and ends the spell.

Water to Wine
R: touch T: body of water D: permanent
Turns [sum] litres of water into low-grade hooch. Alternatively, deals [sum]/2 poison damage to touched creature, save for half, as well as [dice] drunkenness.

Wine to Vodka
R: touch T: wine or other alcoholic beverage D: permanent
Condenses up to [sum] litres of wine, or whatever you have on hand, into a collection of drinks that is [dice]x2 times stronger and lower in volume, producing a cloud of steam. This also traps many magical impurities in the process, save vs. Mishap if you cast any Beeromancy spells on or with drinks produced by this spell.

Explode Alcohol (based on Explode Corpse)
R: 50ft T: booze D: instant
Target container or puddle explodes, dealing damage in a [dice]x5' radius, Save vs Dexterity for half. The maximum damage dealt is dependent on the potency:
Swill: 1
Beer/Wine: 1d6
Spirits, liquors: 2d6
Rare and weird: 3d6
Ancient, eldritch and/or one-of-a-kind: 6d6

Aura of Intoxication
R: 20ft radius T: self D: [sum] minutes
Everyone in the Aura has [dice]x2 additional Drunkenness.

Detect Party
R: [sum] miles T: party D: instant
You know the direction and approximate route to the nearest gathering of two or more people where the majority are having a good time. You can add [dice] additional conditions, like "needs a drink" or "nobody hungers for human flesh".

Purge Body
R: touch T: creature D: [dice] rounds
Target must save vs. horrendous bodily disfunction (i.e. stun) each round. It's messy as hell, but they can make a new save against any ingested poisons, beverages or drugs each round. If you are mad, you might be able to recover some of whatever they... relieve themselves of.

Shape Alcohol
R: 100ft T: drunk creatures D: instant
Deals [sum] damage to any creature within 20ft of a given point that is drunk. In addition, as Shape Water, only applying to alcohol of course.

Emblem Spells

Eldritch Hangover
R: touch T: one creature D: until dispelled
As Bestow Curse, with zero of the normal backlash on you. However, any hangover cure has a 50% chance of dispelling the curse, with only a single chance at working. Save+4 negates, at a [sum] penalty. If they target saves, they suffer a crippling headache and a tongue tasting like cat vomit for [sum] rounds instead, to no other effect.

Summon Party
R: 0 T: self D: [sum] hours
Brings [sum] people to a given location, with the specific and general purpose of having a good time and getting to know each other. While this spell does seem to be merely the result of popularity and coincidence, it is an actual magical effect. When cast, pick [dice] of the following, and roll one at random:
  1. They arrive in minutes, if not seconds.
  2. Everyone brings enough food and booze for everyone else.
  3. They come armed and potentially armoured.
  4. They arrive on entirely unsuitable means of transport, potentially the infamous flying Booze Boat of Captain Joe of the 77nd [sic] Beer Battalion, the original Beeromancer.
  5. You can specifically invite [dice] people by name, they'll be there no matter what, so long as they are within [sum] miles. Don't invite dead people, it's just not worth it.
  6. Their raucous cacophony is guaranteed to bring the local authorities within 2d6 rounds, wherever you are.
  7. Local humanoids will wander in and, after having a great time, think the party members are awesome.
  8. BYOP - Bring Your Own Potions!
  9. The Party is a pool party, and you weren't informed. Luckily, they brought their own water.
  10. The Party sends a representative of the Central Committee to give you your next set of nonsensical orders
  11. Half the party is partly imaginary, and will forget anything negative that they experience during the party.
  12. A surprise guest will join the party halfway through! They will be famous, supernatural or just incredibly fun, potentially all three.


  1. Gain 1 trauma
  2. Take 1d6 damage
  3. Mutation for 1d6 turns, save or permanent
  4. Random stat is halved until you sober up
  5. Random limb becomes hostile to you, 2d6 rounds
  6. Forced purge, lose all drunkenness… messily

  1. The next time you carouse, you and everyone that carouses with you wakes up in a completely new location, with half of your inventory replaced with random items, and no memory of how you got there.
  2. Your liver packs up shop and leaves. Roll to determine which way it exits. One hour after taking any drink, you take 1d6 poison damage. Your Save vs. Poison drops to 1.
  3. Terrible but completely ordinary accident once per day if you are drunk, save vs. death unless you stay completely sober.
Avoiding the Doom, apart from not drinking, is incredibly difficult. Having your biology completely replaced is a start, but fundamentally, if you aren't being poisoned by booze, the magic doesn't flow. Perhaps try combining the weirdness of the Archaeans with the susceptibility of the Myconids.

Monday, June 17, 2019

Grimoire Generator - NO REFUNDS

Ritual components:

Tuesday, June 4, 2019

"Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds" - Quick OSR Afterlives

"Next". Credit Harshanand Singh

Here's what happens when you die. Firstly, you are judged by a Court of Death (i.e. all the other players):
  • For every notable sin, -1. Sins you have confessed and been absolved of don’t count.
  • For every intentional mutation, -1
  • If you weren’t buried, -1
  • If your soul is damaged in any way, -2
  • If your soul is missing or seriously damaged, another -2
  • If you soul belongs to someone else, -5
  • For every notable good deed, +1
  • If you had a proper funeral, +1
  • If you’ve paid your tithe recently, +2
  • If you’re in really good standing with the church, another +2
  • If you died for a truly noble cause, +5

If you want, you can delay the accounting of your death by up to a day. This might help if your body is in the process of being recovered, or a funeral is being organised. A "burial" can be any appropriate rite, whether internment underground or having your ashes scattered (just not eaten, melted or left to rot somewhere). A funeral requires all present to say a few words, at the very least. If you didn't get a proper burial, then a funeral also requires either a memorial built or a priest paid to officiate.

Then, roll 1d20+[total] to find out your fate:
  1. or less: Even Hell Doesn’t Want You. Fall for eternity in the endless void beyond space and time.
  2. Devil Prince Gestalt. You make up part of his left pinky toenail.
  3. Naked, Burning and Stabbed. Go to Hell, and you’re in the Seven Circles.
  4. Poisonous Soul. Go to Hell. If you didn’t get a funeral, wherever your body ended up becomes steadily more evil and corrupted.
  5. Bog-Standard Sinner. Go to Hell, mostly ignored.
  6. Eaten by a Demon. Delicious!
  7. Summoned Back. End up in some necromancer’s wacky scheme.
  8. Rest In Peace. If you aren’t buried and are mostly intact, rise as a zombie.
  9. Bureaucratic Mixup. Spend a hundred years in purgatory before getting it “sorted out”.
  10. Not Quite Gone. Forced to haunt either the place you died, or the party.
  11. Edge of Heaven. Spend a hundred years as a penitent angel, bound wings and leaden sandals for you!
  12. Scraped In. Go to Heaven… eventually, you’ll be waiting in line for a hundred years at least.
  13. Eternal Rest. If you got a funeral, go to Heaven.
  14. Needed Again. Your tattered soul is used to fuel a ‘Cure Wounds’ spell (if you want, roll a hit-location table to find out where)
  15. One With Everything. Become part of the trees and flowers and sky and bears.
  16. Revenant. Do you have any unfinished business? If so, you can return at full HP. You can no longer gain XP or heal, and gradually flake away into gold sparkles. Else or afterwards, go to Heaven.
  17. Part of the Choir. Go to Heaven. All bodily features smoothed out, you'll be standing behind a golden throne for eternity.
  18. Eternal Life of Luxury. Go to Heaven. It’s pretty boring, to be honest.
  19. First in Line for Reincarnation. Whether you like it or not.
  20. or more: Handpicked Angel. You’ll be on the front lines when the next holy war breaks out. Until then, the party can call upon you once, ever. You’re too busy beyond that.

Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Wampus Weirdo Generation

Sourced from: Wampus Country - I Miss Gleep Wurp

First name:
Last name:

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Solar System Generator v1.0

In short, an automated version of this amazing resource. Utterly stellar research has gone into making the Astrometrics Guide to Exoplanets, and I hope I've done it justice in automating it here. Enjoy!