Monday, June 17, 2019

Grimoire Generator - NO REFUNDS

Tuesday, June 4, 2019

"Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds" - Quick OSR Afterlives


"Next". Credit Harshanand Singh

Here's what happens when you die. Firstly, you are judged by a Court of Death (i.e. all the other players):
  • For every notable sin, -1. Sins you have confessed and been absolved of don’t count.
  • For every intentional mutation, -1
  • If you weren’t buried, -1
  • If your soul is damaged in any way, -2
  • If your soul is missing or seriously damaged, another -2
  • If you soul belongs to someone else, -5
  • For every notable good deed, +1
  • If you had a proper funeral, +1
  • If you’ve paid your tithe recently, +2
  • If you’re in really good standing with the church, another +2
  • If you died for a truly noble cause, +5

If you want, you can delay the accounting of your death by up to a day. This might help if your body is in the process of being recovered, or a funeral is being organised. A "burial" can be any appropriate rite, whether internment underground or having your ashes scattered (just not eaten, melted or left to rot somewhere). A funeral requires all present to say a few words, at the very least. If you didn't get a proper burial, then a funeral also requires either a memorial built or a priest paid to officiate.

Then, roll 1d20+[total] to find out your fate:
  1. or less: Even Hell Doesn’t Want You. Fall for eternity in the endless void beyond space and time.
  2. Devil Prince Gestalt. You make up part of his left pinky toenail.
  3. Naked, Burning and Stabbed. Go to Hell, and you’re in the Seven Circles.
  4. Poisonous Soul. Go to Hell. If you didn’t get a funeral, wherever your body ended up becomes steadily more evil and corrupted.
  5. Bog-Standard Sinner. Go to Hell, mostly ignored.
  6. Eaten by a Demon. Delicious!
  7. Summoned Back. End up in some necromancer’s wacky scheme.
  8. Rest In Peace. If you aren’t buried and are mostly intact, rise as a zombie.
  9. Bureaucratic Mixup. Spend a hundred years in purgatory before getting it “sorted out”.
  10. Not Quite Gone. Forced to haunt either the place you died, or the party.
  11. Edge of Heaven. Spend a hundred years as a penitent angel, bound wings and leaden sandals for you!
  12. Scraped In. Go to Heaven… eventually, you’ll be waiting in line for a hundred years at least.
  13. Eternal Rest. If you got a funeral, go to Heaven.
  14. Needed Again. Your tattered soul is used to fuel a ‘Cure Wounds’ spell (if you want, roll a hit-location table to find out where)
  15. One With Everything. Become part of the trees and flowers and sky and bears.
  16. Revenant. Do you have any unfinished business? If so, you can return at full HP. You can no longer gain XP or heal, and gradually flake away into gold sparkles. Else or afterwards, go to Heaven.
  17. Part of the Choir. Go to Heaven. All bodily features smoothed out, you'll be standing behind a golden throne for eternity.
  18. Eternal Life of Luxury. Go to Heaven. It’s pretty boring, to be honest.
  19. First in Line for Reincarnation. Whether you like it or not.
  20. or more: Handpicked Angel. You’ll be on the front lines when the next holy war breaks out. Until then, the party can call upon you once, ever. You’re too busy beyond that.

Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Wampus Weirdo Generation

Sourced from: Wampus Country - I Miss Gleep Wurp

First name:
Last name:
Nickname:
Occupation:
Origin:

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Solar System Generator v1.0

In short, an automated version of this amazing resource. Utterly stellar research has gone into making the Astrometrics Guide to Exoplanets, and I hope I've done it justice in automating it here. Enjoy!


Tuesday, April 9, 2019

THE ROD OF SEVENTY SEVEN PARTS

A few abilities inspired by/stolen from Skerples article about artefacts

X = number of segments combined
Flipping a segment like a coin will always have it land on it’s edge, and roll towards the nearest segment you don’t own.

If you're not sure where the segments might be, roll 1d100 each time you arrive at a new area:

  1. For sale from a tinker, for favours bizarre
  2. With a warlord that knows not what he has
  3. Trapped in a lab with a brain in a jar
  4. At the bottom of a well
  5. Buried in the ruins of a collapsed church
  6. Functioning as part of a town lightning rod
  7. Floating on a solid cloud
  8. In the middle of a field, surrounded by dead cows and burnt grass
  9. In the nest of an immense crow
  10. The wedding ring of an eccentric princess
  11. or more: not here! Keep looking


The Rod of Seventy Seven Parts is highly unstable, and does not go together easily. When joining together segments, the Rod has an X-7 in 20 chance of backfiring:
1dX segments teleport away and…

  1. The rod explodes for Xd6 damage, 20ft radius
  2. You are polymorphed into a random animal
  3. Killed stone dead, no save, with an idiot expression on your face
  4. Surrounding area is teleported in a random direction
  5. 1d20 lightning bolts hit randomly all around
  6. An apocalypse happens, just a local one


Adding the eighth segment has a 1-in-20 chance of going kapow, the ninth 2-in-20 etc. Joining together parts using mechanical/magical assistance may deflect or reduce the effects.

Abilities that recharge daily will do so at the first ray of dawn. Abilities that recharge weekly will do so on the dawn of the Sabbath. Cunning users will wrangle this to their advantage.

  1. Wind-up as an action, next hit deals 1d20 damage on a hit, staggers you on a miss
  2. Unique ranged attacks, deals 1d8 on a hit. Range increases with segments collected
  3. As shield, blocks 1d12 damage X times before consequences
  4. Transforms into any weapon
  5. Absorbs spells from wands/scrolls/magic items etc. can hold X
  6. If you don’t attack in a round, +X to Defence
  7. Deals exploding damage on a max roll
  8. X additional attacks per day, 1d6 self-damage per two extras
  9. +X to-hit, +X damage
  10. Polymorphs the rod into a seven-legged spider with X HD. Has a X% chance of going rogue, if it thinks it can best you in a fight. If the spider dies, the rod falls apart  and scatters segments everywhere.
  11. Perfectly block an attack, 1/day
  12. Perfectly hit an attack, 1/day
  13. Scan enemy HP, 1/combat
  14. Reroll failed saves while at full HP and/or wearing exceptionally fine clothes
  15. Change the dimensions of the rod by x7 in any direction
  16. Emits light as a torch for X hours per day
  17. +2X inventory slots
  18. Escape a dungeon with your party, up to X floors beneath the surface
  19. Can recreate the image and sound of a 10 minute scene in the last X days
  20. Vibrates gently whenever you are about to do something likely lethal
  21. Telepathy by making eye-contact, unusual usage up to X/day (just talking is fine, yelling, imitating other voices, is “unusual”)
  22. Translates between any languages, 10-X % chance of a mix-up per conversation
  23. Ask Advice, X/week
  24. Scout room, X/day
  25. Copies an ability you have been struck by, use it X/day
  26. Increase max HP by 2X
  27. Immune to critical hits
  28. Immune to level drain and death effects
  29. Take half damage from [1. Fire, 2. Poison, 3. Spells, 4. Traps, 5. Bladed weapons 6. Falling]
  30. Block the first X MD from spells per day
  31. Multiply damage by 1+1dX on a critical hit
  32. Critical range increases by X/2
  33. Reroll a d20, X/day
  34. Automatically succeed a d20 roll, X/week
  35. Produce an exceedingly useful item, X/week
  36. Produce a basic supply item, X/day
  37. Levitate up and down, slowly
  38. Walk on water
  39. Produces X hours of breathable air per day
  40. Blink, deals 1d6 damage every additional time used
  41. Teleport, 1/day
  42. Animate Object, X/day
  43. Invisibility, X rounds of combat per day, or X minutes non-combat
  44. Recharge any daily ability 1/day
  45. Add 1 MD to a spell, X/week
  46. Sleep, targets X HD of enemies, 1/day
  47. Fly, X passengers, 1/day
  48. Reattach a lost limb, 1/day
  49. Heal Xd4 HP per day
  50. Fireball, Xd6 damage, 1/day
  51. Transmute Flesh to Stone and Back, X/day
  52. Transmute [Weird] to [Weird], X/day
  53. Silent Illusion X/day
  54. Control [1. Fire 2. Water 3. Earth 4. Air] X/day
  55. Ask a yes/no question about something you tap, X/day
  56. Detect Invisible
  57. Detect Poison
  58. Locate Object, within X miles
  59. Detect Magic, X/day
  60. Speak with Dead, X/day
  61. Speak with [1. Fire 2. Water 3. Earth 4. Air] X/day
  62. Speak with [1. Locks, 2. Shoes, 3. Arrows, 4. Blood, 5. Roads, 6. Statue, 7. Teeth, 8. Self, 9. Spell, 10. God, 11. Stars, 12. Universe, 13. Light, 14. Darkness, 15. Memories, 16. Dreams, 17. Lust, 18. Lies, 19. Dave, 20. Mother], X/day
  63. Command Magnetism
  64. Determine Weather
  65. Astral Travel, X dreams
  66. Neutralise Hunger, X people supported
  67. +2 to a random stat, +4 with 7 or more segments
  68. Change a random stat to 18, another is halved
  69. Deal 1d6 damage to target in sight, X/day
  70. Time-stop, X rounds/week
  71. Cast a random spell, X/day
  72. Telekinesis, up to X kg at a time
  73. Pass through X feet of solid material per day
  74. Undo previous round, 1/week
  75. Wish, 1/century
  76. True Resurrection, 1/century
  77. Extends lifespan by X times


Monday, April 8, 2019

A brief exchange

Spoilers. Credit Ian Jacobson

Me:
The west area has a couple nooks off the main room. In one is a large wooden chest. In the other, is a circle of chalk drawn in strange runes around a pedestal. Leaning against the pedestal is a weird wavy dagger, while there is a large, plain looking sword lying atop it.

Erziver the Gnome:
I want to step carefully towards the chest and inspect the latch

Me:
Looks fine to you, no signs of weird magic or trickery.

Erziver:
I tap the latch with the butt of my axe

Me:
Clink
Nothing. The latch is definitely free of traps

Bertrude, Nearly-Paladin:
I look at the rest of the chest for traps

Erziver:
"Wise choice, Bertrude"

Bertrude:
I know the mind games

Erziver:
I'll sit in my saddle, hand on the latch, anxious to flip the fucker open

Me:
No traps
Do you open it Erziver?

Erziver:
I do!
OPEN OPEN OPEN

Me:
Inside the box is... another chest!

Erziver:
Damnit! Does it have any obvious traps?

Me:
No obvious traps, no wires or runes or anything like that

Erziver:
I'll flip the lid up with my axe handle

Me:
The smaller chest lunges out of the bigger box and tries to bite your face off!
Roll defence, at +1 since you had the axe in the way

Erziver:
Failed!

Me:
Ka-chomp, goes the chest on your arm, for... 8 damage.
Maybe that's your face, not your arm

Bertrude:
Fuck

Erziver:
Haha! I'm at exactly 0 HP!

Bertrude:
Bertrude immediately grabs the chest and tries to pull it off

Erziver:
Fate smiles faintly on me

Me:
Make a Strength check Bertrude!

Bertrude:
"Wee friend!"

Me:
(I hope that wasn't too much of a 'gotcha', but you were looking for "obvious traps" :shrug: )

Bertrude:
Success
I never thought of a mimic in a chest

Erziver:
I even considered sinking my axe into the top in anger
Oh yeah thats a clever ass mimic

Bertrude:
Unless its an enchanted chest
In which case im good at dissasembling constructs

Uwela the Kobold:
Little mimic would be cuter though.

Erziver:
So its off of me, right?

Me:
It's off, wriggling in Bertrude's hands. Which it will shortly try and eat. You can see Ezriver's blood on it's fangs, but it doesn't seem to have hit anything too important.

Erziver:
I want to sink my axe into the top of the thing!

Me:
Uwela it is adorable
Make an attack! Don't fail by a lot, or you'll hit Bert!

Erziver:
"Damn fucking trickery! DIE!"
Failed by 5?
Oh no

Me:
Oh no
Is that a lot?
Hmm
Erziver, you clip Bertrude with your axe
"Clip", for 4 damage

Bertrude:
Dammit, you did more damage to me than the dungeon did
I twist away and drop the thing, hissing in pain
Then I stomp on it
Dead space stylez

Bertrude:
I have a greataxe
"If you'd waited!"
Stomp
"I would've!"
Stomp
"Killed it!"
STOMP.

Erziver:
"Damnit damnit damnit!" I RAGE! "YOUR BLOOD WASNT WHAT I WANTEDD"

Uwela, quietly, in the background:
"Well this is getting out of hand..."

Me:
You all spend some time therapeutically stomping the absolute shit out of this tiny little mimic. it's guts, such as they are, are dribbling through the flagstones, and it's fangs shatter like glass.

Uwela:
I'll pass on stomping. Poor mimic.

Me:
I'm typing this whole exchange up
It's my favourite

Thursday, April 4, 2019

"There are more things in Heav- OH GOD IT'S BACK KILL IT KILL IT" - Nightmare Parasite for GLOG

Long, long ago, I was interested in this. I then discovered GLOG, and all of that melted away. But some of it stuck around. This is a love-letter to a 3.5e rebalancing homebrew, written for an OSR DIY sub-system:
For those who do walk his path, who embrace Terror as a means of strength, they may master the primordial arts of that Titan which should not have lived. To them, “Unafraid” is a mistranslation of “Ignorant”.
These inborn instincts can be traced back to The Nightmare himself, who rots and decays in that destitute pit, letting his existence blossom out unto the great wheel, spreading his legend, watching even in death, silently pushing those of his ascendents closer to his dream of perfect life. 
~ Xefas

It's so... purple. I dig it. This hobby rules.

Micah from Nuclear Haruspex designed this challenge to create parasite-related content for GLOG. There are many others like it, but this one is mine:

Biocon
Body King
Cuckoo Folk
Eater of Tongues
Hydrargent
Klyntar
Mother of Osk
Mycorrhizan
PARASITE
Parasite Brain
Spellbug
Temporal Paradox
Umbrant

Most other contributions are about people that have parasites, or playing a parasite that infects someone. You are a parasite, a scar, a blot on reality itself. And you're hungry.

This is you now. Credit Piotr Foksowicz