Mat "The Magnificent" vs. The Dervish of War - Chambers of God AP

The following was the culmination of several months of one-on-one play by post over Discord with a friend of mine. His character, Mat "The Magnificent" Rench, travelled solo through the entire first floor of the Chambers of God, a megadungeon I am currently in the process of being murdered by finishing. Mat was an early version of my Thief, and that character was played to the bone. Quite literally, after he lost an arm. The Tricky and Opportunist rules have gone through a fair bit of adjustment since then, as Mat was a nigh-unstoppable juggernaut when played "correctly":

For reference -
Gambit: Bet something beneficial on a hit (e.g. knock prone, disarm, shove), in return for something detrimental on a miss (e.g. drop your weapon, enemy gets a free attack, fall prone). You cannot use this to deal damage.
Opportunist: Whenever you Gambit, deal +1d6 damage
Tricky: When you Gambit, you can replace a miss condition with a tactical advantage.

Mat's player cottoned on to a a neat gameplay loop - if you can use a Gambit to set up a different tactical advantage, you could use that advantage for your next Gambit, and so on... resulting in a significant power-boost. If Mat could keep hitting attacks and staying on the ball, he could continuously deal +1d6 damage and inconvenience his enemies. This eventually resulted in Opportunist changing to: As a Gambit, deal +1d6 damage. And yet, Mat's shenanigans live on!

I didn't make that change during the campaign (of sorts) as they were the just reward for a crafty player, and likely the only thing keeping the solo character alive down there. By the time Mat reached the Dervish the second time, he had lost an arm, gained a mechanical replacement, made a friend (from a brain-eating demon gem and a wizard brain-in-a-jar) and discovered the meaning of love...ish.



For your reading pleasure:

• Dice rolls have been removed, or rather, not added, but context should supply the details thereof.
• Specific actions are often in a Caves of Qud-style "USE ITEM WITH ITEM" notation
• Most text that is (in brackets) is out of character, but this isn't a hard and fast rule.
• Mat can only communicate with his Brain+Gem In a Jar via a cunning combination of Morse code and flashing lights. This is represented by S P A C E D C A P I T A L L E T T E R S.
• Mat ran from the Dervish some time ago, after being asked, politely, for the traditional sacrifice of one hand. Mat did not comply. For shame, Mat. For shame.
• Mat looted a clockwork shotgun that uses these rules.
• The Dervish has been murdering the Pleasure Golems Nice Young Ladies from Room 50 for quite some time now. Mat has arranged for the freedom of one of the Nice Young Ladies in return for the Dervish's head.
• The Dervish is an 8ft tall blue demon with four arms, telekinetic powers and four magic weapons - an axe, a sword, a three-skulled flail and a hammer
• Mat is in possession of the Paranoia Mindset.

Without further ado, bear witness to: THE FINAL SHOWDOWN

The OG four-armed blue badass, credit Pressy Patanik

---

Merciful DM:
in the middle of a modest circular room is a GREASY LOOKING MAN wearing a threadbare robe, sitting on a STOOL reading a SHREDDED book
you can see a COLISEUM LIFT to the WEST and there are square tunnels leading in each of the diagonals

Mat the Magnificent:
Use PARANOIA GREASY LOOKING MAN
Any sign of weapons?

Merciful DM:
none
roll Wisdom if you'd like though

Mat the Magnificent:
no

Merciful DM:
shrug

Mat the Magnificent:
How SHREDDED is SHREDDED BOOK
Any sign of FOOD?

Merciful DM:
none
and its half of something
he licks a yellowed finger and turns a page, only for it to fall to the floor

Mat the Magnificent:
Moving as quietly as possible
relying on light feet
attempt to creep
to elevator

Merciful DM:
roll a straight stealth check then

Mat the Magnificent:
NO

Merciful DM:
he sniffs and looks up, just as you take a step
"...oh! Y- you must be-"
he looks down at himself, and stands up, awkwardly kicking the stool away
"W-welcome to the Great T-Temple of his Royal Lord Dreadful, the Dervish of W-War!"
"I am the Low Priest. Are you a supplicant or a sacrifice?"

Mat the Magnificent:
"What's the difference?"

Merciful DM:
"Supplicants get their arms cut off while praying. Sacrifices fight the Dervish, then get their arms cut off."

Mat the Magnificent:
"I can't help but notice you still have both your arms"

Merciful DM:
"I am neither. I am the Low Priest."

Mat the Magnificent:
"How'd you get to be the low priest?"

Merciful DM:
"I- I don't know. I can't remember. I think the Dervish decided though."

Mat the Magnificent:
"Are you hungry?"

Merciful DM:
"...I..."
"Am not sure"
"I think I've been down here a while."
"I know I've been reading this book for a while."
"And I can tell the last half of it is missing."
"But that never seems to bother me much?"

Mat the Magnificent:
"It doesn't leave you with a cliffhanger?"

Merciful DM:
"Not really..."
"It's quite mediocre really."

Mat the Magnificent:
"What's it about?"

Merciful DM:
"Well... it's an odd coincidence, but it's about a plucky halfling adventurer and his travels."
"He heads into this odd cave and goes on all sorts of bizarre adventures."

Mat the Magnificent:
...
"You got a pen?"

Merciful DM:
"Why, no, why do you ask?"

Mat the Magnificent:
"Where's it end?"
"Tell you what"
"You've got me interested"
"I've got some fairly fresh fruit somewhere in here"
"I'll trade you five grapes, a sweet apple, or half a lurt-melon"
"For a loan of your book"

Merciful DM:
"L-lurt melon? You have lurt-melon?"

Mat the Magnificent:
"Of course"

Merciful DM:
"Before you head up and get killed by the Dervish"

Mat the Magnificent:
"Don't worry, I have to come through here to get up right?"

Merciful DM:
"That's right. It's up that lift there."

Mat the Magnificent:
"You'll get the book back before then"
Exchange ... sigh, HALF A LURT MELON for BOOK
Mat is seriously considering taking the book by force instead of handing over the MELON

Merciful DM:
the Low Priest takes odd nibbles of the fruit, as if he's forgotten
juice dribbles down his chin
you're reading the book?

Mat the Magnificent:
Definitely

Merciful DM:
flicking through, its a first-person account of your trip through the dungeon, with a fair amount of the back-tracking edited out, and a lot more detail involving Avalon and the other girls
you also lose your hand when you meet and fight the Dervish the first time, and are tossed into the river that runs in a slightly different direction
Pickle nurses you back to health, and gives you the shotgun from his stash
you also find the Brain-in-a-jar and have to fight it into submission
it can also talk quietly, and gains lightning powers when you tear the gem from the body of a larger golem
it is, as you probably expected, ripped in half just after you find the strange glowing light
slurp... slurp goes the Low Priest

Mat the Magnificent:
What's the book made of?
Paper?
Vellum?

Merciful DM:
paper
the cover has been ripped off, but you can see it was produced by a company near where your old manor-job used to be

Mat the Magnificent:
Anywhere in the book
Is a number mentioned?
Preferably of coins

Merciful DM:
heck
there's a distinct lack of treasure mentioned
no occultum or anything
just pluck and heroism
Avalon herself is rescued from marauding combat golems
and then kidnapped by strange ghosts made of ash
overall its seems like the sort of trite adventure novel that young noble boys with a studious bent would simply devour

Mat the Magnificent:
Any small alterations I could make, a single scratching out or added 0 that would have given our hero a much easier/ more profitable time of things?

Merciful DM:
you could, theoretically, rip out the entire page with the initial fight with the Dervish

Mat the Magnificent:
Is the page described in such a way
I could instead make the Dervish lose the hand?

Merciful DM:
perhaps?
but looking at it
you get a feeling that the things written in the book couldn't have ever happened the way described
the combat golems taking captives and then just sitting there?
the monologue of the Dervish?

Mat the Magnificent:
Smoke ghosts affecting the corporeal

Merciful DM:
the friendly rat people just disappearing as soon as narratively convenient?
exactly

Mat the Magnificent:
It seemed too much to hope for
Still
A lot of strange things happened in this dungeon

Merciful DM:
wanna give it a shot?

Mat the Magnificent:
Ah well
Yup
Discreetly

Merciful DM:
what'll you try and change?

Mat the Magnificent:
The Dervish loses the hand

Merciful DM:
right
so yanking the page
and hoping no one notices the difference?

Mat the Magnificent:
I was thinking scraping out and writing over

Merciful DM:
ah, its paper and ink
unfortunately

Mat the Magnificent:
damn
Then yanking the Dervish fight page
and making it look like it fell out of its own accord
a page fell to the ground while he was reading it
So it shouldn't be too unbelievable

Merciful DM:
there's a sharp sizzle as you pull at the paper

Mat the Magnificent:
…

Merciful DM:
(somewhere, 90 universes down the line, something very bad happens)

Mat the Magnificent:
That roll

Merciful DM:
ikr
for you, its just a prickle down your spine and in your elbow
what do you do with the page?

Mat the Magnificent:
Pocket it
Return BOOK

Merciful DM:
"jusshh dere" mumbles the Low Priest through the rind
"hed up ifsh you wan"

Mat the Magnificent:
"Before I do, what can you tell me about the DERVISH?"

Merciful DM:
"Ish a god. 'E-" slurp "Oh man, that was so good. He's uhh, a god? He murders people. He's the best at it. He- crap. There's this whole thing I'm supposed to say... the first time I got it wrong I had all my limbs broken. Milord is more complacent about these things nowadays, it seems."

Mat the Magnificent:
"Isn't Zulin the only god?"
"I thought he did for all the others"
"The priests tell stories about it"

Merciful DM:
"Well nah. Zulin, praise be, he's just the biggest."
"Ate all the other ones."
"Or somethin'."
"The Dervish is a new one."

Mat the Magnificent:
I look to WIZARD BRAIN for confirmation

Merciful DM:
"M A K E S S E N S E"
"G O D O R D E M O N O R B O T H"

Mat the Magnificent:
"So you'd have to be pretty stupid to try and murder the God of Murder"
"You get a lot of sacrifices and supplicants?"

Merciful DM:
"Not- not a whole lot, recently. Just uh... just you."
"But I'm sure more will follow soon!"
the Low Priest bubbles with contrived optimism
(it isn't very effective)

Mat the Magnificent:
"Was murder the word what he told you?"
"Not killing, or battle, or fighting"
"But murder?"
(I'm sure you see where I'm going with this)

Merciful DM:
"He's the Dervish of War. He's pretty great at all of them, to be honest."
(I'm not sure I do)

Mat the Magnificent:
(You never fight gods on their own terms, you come at them with a conceptual weakness)
(What's Anathema to War?)
....
Breaking that MURDER AXE seems like a splendid idea
War weariness
Truces
Understanding

Merciful DM:
(ooooooh)
(no doubt when you write your version of events, that's how it's going to work)

Mat the Magnificent:
M.A.D.
(but not how things work in centerra?)

Merciful DM:
in the story books, you get the Awakened to calm down by reading them nursery rhymes
extrapolate however you would like

Mat the Magnificent:
(Speaking of story books)
I bet the Zulinists have a lot of stories about GOD killing
how do they do it in the stories of old?

Merciful DM:
a bunch of Paladins stabbing it until it dies, usually
then about a dozen saints-on-a-stick pray at it real hard until it falls in a heap
repeat ad nauseum

Mat the Magnificent:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laT7xex-0dM [SAO Abridged – Group up and hit it till it dies]

Merciful DM:
precisely

Mat the Magnificent:
Alright, conceptual weaknesses not being a thing, I guess it's time to activate plan HIT IT TILL IT DIES
"Is the lift noisy?"

Merciful DM:
"The Dervish already knows you are coming. It'll be a fight, not an ambush."

Mat the Magnificent:
"How?"
"I mean, I've seen the DERVISH before"
"He wanted me to cut off one of my fingers"
"I just ran on by"

Merciful DM:
"Well, duh. He thought you were a supplicant."
"He was mighty pissed off that you were some sort of half-hearted sacrifice."

Mat the Magnificent:
"He talks to you?"

Merciful DM:
"You... you didn't hear him?"
"After you left, it was like a storm in a bottle down here."

Mat the Magnificent:
Alright, guess it's time to go up

Mat the Magnificent:
Sprinkle HOLY WATER RAT SWORD
Sprinkle HOLY WATER DEMON AXE
Sprinkle HOLY WATER CARAPACE SHIELD
Sprinkle HOLY WATER LEATHER ARMOR
Sprinkle HOLY WATER HIDEOUSLY EXPENSIVE LASSO [E: This was formed out of an occultum wire and an autowinder, designed to draw tight and eventually explode]
Paint SYMBOL OF ZULIN on FOREHEAD in HOLY WATER

Merciful DM:
do you just douse yourself in the stuff?

Mat the Magnificent:
Half a flasks worth
Wheedle GOD
Plead GOD
Bribe GOD
"Zulin, I know I haven't always been the best of men. I've done things you'd rather I didn't and enjoyed doing them. Right here, right now, I'm doing something we both want done. If I actually manage to kill this thing, first thing I do when I sell the loot from this dungeon is send one coin in five to yours truly. That's a promise."

Merciful DM:
Roll Goodness!
If you succeed, you are Pious
if you fail, you are Desperate

Mat the Magnificent:
That's a no
Considering Lucky

Merciful DM:
+1 xp if you do
you've got 1 LP left?

Mat the Magnificent:
1 LP and Very Lucky
Is there a bonus from holy water?

Merciful DM:
are you going Desperate?

Mat the Magnificent:
55% isn't good enough odds for LUCKY

Merciful DM:
you can take +1 Att and/or +1 Def for a Goodness each

Mat the Magnificent:
Oh, I meant to the goodness roll

Merciful DM:
the holy water+prayer is the goodness roll

Mat the Magnificent:
Fair
In that case, DESPERATE it is
Lets do this

Merciful DM:
are you taking the bonuses?

Mat the Magnificent:
Oh, I thought it was per roll

Merciful DM:
nope, its your choice now

Mat the Magnificent:
If its flat against the demon
then 100%

Merciful DM:
+1 Att/Def per goodness spent
you read whatever symbolism you like into that

Mat the Magnificent:
I plan to run through and ballista it
As plan C
Will it hold till then?
posssibly
I don't get to know that

Merciful DM:
correct

Mat the Magnificent:
Do I choose attack or defence, or is it both?

Merciful DM:
you can have one or both, and its a goodness each

Mat the Magnificent:
So +1 ATK and +1 Def is 2 goodness?
What's the goodness of Joe Blogs?
I think Robdet is down to about 3?

Merciful DM:
its under the circumstances
you are born with 10
you're up to 12 somehow

Mat the Magnificent:
in that case
It's all going into the GAMBIT STAT

Merciful DM:
NICE
as you climb into the lift, the Low Priest hands you something
its the page that fell out of his/your book
the back one... the one that would have the fight with the Dervish on it
you can spot the words "smote", "arterial", "snakes" and "gnashing" but most of it is obscured by a wash of still-wet black ink
the page is soaked by thick letters reading "MIRRORS AREN'T BAD LUCK MAT"
the page is damp from the letters, and spots of ink drip from the page to the filthy metal floor, as the gates are slammed shut, and you begin to wind your way towards THE DERVISH

- - -

{I SEE YOU RETURN}
{WITH FEWER FINGERS}

Mat the Magnificent:
"Looks like you got your due anyway"
"I don't suppose you want to let me pass without more violence"

Merciful DM:
{THAT WOULD BE HERETICAL. AND BORING}

Mat the Magnificent:
"This isn't usually like me you know"
"Most of the time I'd be doing everything I possibly could to avoid something like you"

Merciful DM:
{AND I THE SAME OF YOU, RAT}

Mat the Magnificent:
"But a little while ago you murdered some nice young ladies"
"You probably don't remember"
"I'm sure you've killed a lot of people"
"But they didn't choose to come here, they weren't looking for treasure or vengeance or anything really"
"They were lost and frightened"
"And you murdered them"
"Because you were bored"
"That's why I'm here today"
"To ask you to promise not to hurt anyone else who isn't looking for a fight"

Merciful DM:
{VENGEANCE, HMM? I CAN WORK WITH VENGEANCE}
{THERE'S A LITTLE FEAR IN THERE, AS WELL}

Mat the Magnificent:
(He's being kind)

Merciful DM:
{DELECTABLE}
(he is)
{TELL YOU WHAT. IF YOU WANT YOUR ARM BACK, YOU CAN BECOME ONE OF MY PRIESTS}
{ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS KNEEL AND LET ME CUT YOUR HEAD OFF LIKE A GOOD SUPPLICANT}

Mat the Magnificent:
Use PARANOIA on DEMON LIES
"Has that ever worked?"

Merciful DM:
{ONCE OR TWICE}
{BUT CHOOSE QUICKLY}
{WHAT'LL BE, QUICK OR SLOW?}

Mat the Magnificent:
"Mat the Magnificent: is not known for disappointing beautiful young maidens"

Merciful DM:
{SLOW IT IS. HAVE AT THEE!}
ROLL INITIATIVE

Mat the Magnificent:
(Looking up Goodness mechanics made me open this webpage http://goblinpunch.blogspot.com.au/2017/04/how-to-survive-death.html)
(I think I'm going into this fight with the right mindset)

Merciful DM:
why do you think the Alnwick campaign was called In Case of Gruesome Death for so long?
you go first!
there are VELVET CHAIRS SHREDDED around the edges (the purple line)

Mat the Magnificent:
Is it within EXTRA CROSSBOWEY CROSSBOW range? [E: he means the shotgun]

Merciful DM:
every 10ft distance is -1 Shotgun damage
i'd call that
30ft at least
no
more
much more
now its 30ft

Mat the Magnificent:
HIDEOUSLY EXPENSIVE LASSO TIME
What do I roll?

Merciful DM:
Attack
he has 5 Defense

Mat the Magnificent:
1 luck spent
and it hits

Merciful DM:
naaz!
so, the autowinder activates and tightens the occultum wire?

Mat the Magnificent:
you got it

Merciful DM:
roll overload!

Mat the Magnificent:
1d6?

Merciful DM:
yup
dont roll a 1

Mat the Magnificent:
I didn't!

Merciful DM:
ziiiiiiip
the Dervish is going to attempt to save or have a limb trapped as well

Merciful DM:
its right around his middle

Mat the Magnificent:
Perfect for BISECTION

Merciful DM:
he looks at the wire and shrugs before sending his HAMMER whistling towards you
he has 8 Attack!

Mat the Magnificent:
A hit

Merciful DM:
thats 1d8+2 damage, and you can decide - +1d6, or prone?

Mat the Magnificent:
How thin's the wire?

Merciful DM:
pretty thin?
its whether the autowinder can get enough puff going
without... exploding...


Mat the Magnificent:
...

Merciful DM:
i appreciate that a lot

Mat the Magnificent:
It's a good bomb
And Zulin does appear to be favouring me

Merciful DM:
the hammer clips you as it flies past, followed swiftly by the spinning axe
another attack!

Mat the Magnificent:
Dodged!

Merciful DM:
with +8?

Mat the Magnificent:
Yup

Merciful DM:
oh! 15!
very nice
the HAMMER and AXE return to their original places. THE DERVISH nods
the autowinder tightens, dealing 1d6 damage, exploding on a 1

Mat the Magnificent:
5!

Merciful DM:
your go
oh
before that
there's a rumbling sound from above, and the ceiling begins to rise up...

Mat the Magnificent:
Oooooo
HOLY WATER XXXBOW TIME

Needs more widgets and unstable Occultum mainsprings, credit Leon Johnsnon 

Merciful DM:
run forward and blast?

Mat the Magnificent:
Yup!

Merciful DM:
so
here's the deal
its 1d6, and +1 to hit and 1d6 damage per cartridge
including the first
but a Str check to control

Mat the Magnificent:
Ooo
So 2d6 Damage

Merciful DM:
-1 damage per 10ft

Mat the Magnificent:
How high is he?

Merciful DM:
he's just levitating at about human head-height

Mat the Magnificent:
As he's bound by my autowinder, I risk nothing by trying to break his concentration?

Merciful DM:
uhhh
uhhhhhhhhh
THE DERVISH OF WAR is not particularly concerned

Mat the Magnificent:
by the HIDEOUSLY EXPENSIVE TRAP
fair enough

Merciful DM:
but you'll definitely be able to annoy him with the holy water

Mat the Magnificent:
As I'm using HOLY WATER against a DEMON I risk nothing by attempting to break his connection with the WEAPONS

Merciful DM:
done!
how many cartridges?

Mat the Magnificent:
It's more efficent to only blast 1

Merciful DM:
buuuut

Mat the Magnificent:
Seeing as you only get each gambit bonus once anyway

Merciful DM:
this is also a ranged attack, so you'll be down a point

Mat the Magnificent:
And it's far cooler to fire 2
1
Fine
With my ridiculous bonuses, that's a hit!

Merciful DM:
indeed!

Mat the Magnificent:
4d6 +2?

Merciful DM:
nothing like sacrificing your eternal soul
ah
do you move forward?

Mat the Magnificent:
Yup

Merciful DM:
to clarify, its 1d6, +1d6 for the first cartridge, +1d6 for the second

Mat the Magnificent:
+1d6 for OPPORTUNISTIC

Merciful DM:
oh!
indeed!
thats basically a cannon going off

Mat the Magnificent:
19!
BOOM

Merciful DM:
i appreciate that immensely
the ceiling keeps rising up as you pummel the Demon with holy-water-laced shrapnel from an elvish clockwork shotgun
eventually, it seems to resemble the endless abyss outside... except this one has stars glimmering down

Mat the Magnificent:
Zulin is watching

Merciful DM:
THE DERVISH drops back, skin hissing and bubbling. His weapons drop to the ground with an almighty crash.
He cricks his neck.
{THAT'S A NEAT TRICK, RAT. LET ME SHOW YOU MINE}
He jumps up, then SLAMS down in front of you
He holds his four hands out, and his FOUR IMPLEMENTS surge towards you!
make four Defense rolls at +8 each!

Mat the Magnificent:
But the connection was broken!
NOT POSSIBLE

Merciful DM:
it sure was!

Mat the Magnificent:
2 hit

Merciful DM:
which ones?
correction, the order
2nd and 4th
you dodge the Hammer and Axe, but the Broadsword and Flail arrow in towards you unerringly... or do they?
Pick one. You feel a strange kinship with it.

Mat the Magnificent:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xd5ESRqpz3E#t=1m14s [Men in Black 3 - That's Not Possible Scene]

Mat the Magnificent:
Oooo
the flail

Merciful DM:
the flail chatters and swerves away from you briefly
the broadsword, does not
take 1d12 damage and save please

Mat the Magnificent:
Can I burn a charisma to succeed that save?
Off by one

Merciful DM:
oh, yes
that sounds fine by me

Mat the Magnificent:
damage taken

Merciful DM:
your turn!

Mat the Magnificent:
Autowinder?

Merciful DM:
indeed!

Merciful DM:
{RAAAGH. ^$*@%$} shrieks the DERVISH as the occultum wire glows purple-hot

Merciful DM:
now
a question
in my notes, the next room effect is "roll 3d6. Wherever they land, a pillar rises"
i need some way to simulate that
or, i'll just pick at random

Mat the Magnificent:
Oooo
That's cool
um

Merciful DM:
the height is the d6 in meters

Mat the Magnificent:
I don't get another xxxbow shot
Autowinder is doing work
It's BRAIN IN A JAR time

Merciful DM:
bringing out the big guns!
i almost forgot to mention, the first Injury to your Torso has a 50% chance to smash the jar instead

Mat the Magnificent:
Literally, in the case of the precious turn
Fair
More generous than I expected tbh

Merciful DM:
i imagine you'd be protecting it though

Mat the Magnificent:
I am
Mat's not that much of a bastard

Merciful DM:
of course, if its being actively targeted that's a different matter, and likely a gambit as well

Mat the Magnificent:
"You've got this, flash once if you want me to aim with the wand, twice if you want me to aim with the jar, three times if you want me to put you down"

Merciful DM:
anyway, i presume you swing the jar into line with the DERVISH and give "the signal"

Mat the Magnificent:
BZZZZZZZSH
Also, taking several steps back
Don't want to be point blank

Merciful DM:
you hop step backwards, and then fire?

Mat the Magnificent:
that ^

Merciful DM:
sounds like another ranged attack roll, at -1 for awkwardness

Mat the Magnificent:
As he's currently screaming in pain from the AUTOWINDER I risk nothing by attempting to smash him against the pillar with the bolt?

Merciful DM:
mm depends how you want to line up the shot
are you more circling around?

Mat the Magnificent:
Sure

Merciful DM:
done

Mat the Magnificent:
slightly better idea
As he's currently wrapped in electric and magic conducting wire

Merciful DM:
:)

Mat the Magnificent:
I risk nothing by attempting to supercharge the AUTOWINDER
2 rolls a turn
from now on

Merciful DM:
that doesn't have to make sense, go for it!
one roll on each of your turns

Mat the Magnificent:
One on his
Much hit!
damages?

Merciful DM:
bzzzt
2d6 first from the bolt, then 1d6 from Opportunist
checking for MD expenditure and mishaps as normal

Mat the Magnificent:
mishap!
Is he a wizard?

Merciful DM:
all results of 1 2 and 3 are the same for wizards
all wizards
and warlocks, as a matter of fact

Mat the Magnificent:
I was thinking SAFE CASTING
he hasn't used it yet

Merciful DM:
i'll allow it
zapp
its more the fact its hit the occultum wire and overloaded the spinner

Mat the Magnificent:
Opportunist was similarly weak
Does spinner happen now?

Merciful DM:
indeed!

Mat the Magnificent:
He's taken 38
and it's his turn

Merciful DM:
the DERVISH slides the pillar behind him out of the ground, and throws it at Mat

Mat the Magnificent:
:O
Beautiful

Merciful DM:
you have successfully upset a Major Demon
hmm
lets see

Mat the Magnificent:
I tend to have that effect on people
Usually it takes a few more weeks

Merciful DM:
I'd think a Dex check to start with

Mat the Magnificent:
But this guy seems to have a short fuse
nope!
Can I break my shield to negate?

Merciful DM:
under the circumstances, no

Mat the Magnificent:
Fair

Merciful DM:
hmm

Mat the Magnificent:
it's very lucky time
Success!

Merciful DM:
when the dust clears, you are still standing there...
more spinning!

Mat the Magnificent:
2 damage
up to an even 40 now

Merciful DM:
mmmhm
getting there
your turn!

Mat the Magnificent:
If it ain't broke
It's BRAIN IN A JAR take 2, electric boogaloo

Merciful DM:
wondergood
roll it!

Mat the Magnificent:
As he's in horrible agony from the autowinder
I risk nothing by trying to blast him into the FLAIL?

Merciful DM:
mm

Mat the Magnificent:
Actually
As his FLAIL has betrayed him
I risk nothing be trying to blast him into it?

Merciful DM:
the flail is just on the ground now
chattering away

Mat the Magnificent:
I guess if I'm wrong about it
when I miss

Merciful DM:
we find out!

Mat the Magnificent:
What's his defence?

Merciful DM:
5

Mat the Magnificent:
Then that's a miss
I was thinking gambit miss penalty

Merciful DM:
the DERVISH twists at the last second and gets the lightning bolt (which you should roll 2d6 for anyway) right in the occultum wire again

Mat the Magnificent:
was I kick up dust

Merciful DM:
he SMILES

Mat the Magnificent:
Obscuring the Flail
and giving it +2 to hit
next round

Merciful DM:
{THERE WE GO. FOUND THE KNOT}
the autowinder-lasso lets out a ping and comes undone
its now swinging at ever increasing speeds from the end of the DERVISHES FINGER
the DERVISH is whistling

Mat the Magnificent:
This is fine

Merciful DM:
the DERVISH brings it in, yoyo-like, then sends it hurtling towards you, while simultaneously reaching for his BROADSWORD
make two Defense rolls!


Mat the Magnificent:
not the sword

Merciful DM:
which goes right over your head, the broadsword into you for 1d12 damage and a save

Mat the Magnificent:
I'll break the shield

Merciful DM:
smack!
sure, no save either
also, doing rolls for the bolt

Mat the Magnificent:


Merciful DM:
yowch
and for the autowinder

Mat the Magnificent:
So brain is out of commission

Merciful DM:
is it me, or is it getting hot in here?

Mat the Magnificent:
for 1d6 rounds?

Merciful DM:
yup

Mat the Magnificent:
He could have been elementalist
I guess

Merciful DM:
on average, wizards are orthodox until proven otherwise
at any rate, its your turn!
also, new pillars

Mat the Magnificent:
Only using lightning
may count as otherwise

Merciful DM:
the elf in charge had a vision
and no petty human schools had a hope of standing in their way

Mat the Magnificent:

So brain is out of juice

Merciful DM:
theres also a -5 size hole

Mat the Magnificent:
Autowinder is no longer doing work
I'm out of tricks
Almost
not quite
I load my remaining flask of hold water into my sling

Merciful DM:
uhh
pretty sure you doused yourself in that

Mat the Magnificent:
do you just douse yourself in the stuff? Mat the Magnificent: - Yesterday at 23:31 Half a flasks worth

Merciful DM:
unless
ahhh
fair
in the sling it goes!

Mat the Magnificent:
No tricky
because it already worked

Merciful DM:
mmhm

Mat the Magnificent:
but opportunist still triggers right?

Merciful DM:
mmmm
lemme think
how about, holy water sprayed via sling on a demon does 1d12 damage?

Mat the Magnificent:
Fair

Merciful DM:
make an attack! 5 def

Mat the Magnificent:
Imma try and knock the autowinder back into his face
On a miss

Merciful DM:
it loops you

Mat the Magnificent:
I open myself up to a backswing

Merciful DM:
you were already open to the backswing

Mat the Magnificent:
That's not really worth then
A hit!
7 damage
up to 47 now

Merciful DM:
yowch
the DERVISH screams
choice: 1d6 damage or 1d6 trauma

Mat the Magnificent:
on me or the dervish?

Merciful DM:
you

Mat the Magnificent:
damage
A traumatic break at this point is probably lethal

Merciful DM:
mmhm

Mat the Magnificent:
taken

Merciful DM:
at any rate, he ignites in BLUE FLAMES, and makes one grapple, one broadsword attack, one hammer attack and a final headbutt
the last is at only 6 attack

Mat the Magnificent:
I dodge the broadsword
grapple, hammer and headbut all hit

Merciful DM:
once again, do you take +1d6 damage from the hammer or fall prone?

Mat the Magnificent:
prone
also
autowinder tick?

Merciful DM:
truth!
tick tock
at any rate, that 1d8+2+1d6 damage

Mat the Magnificent:
Brought exactly to 0

Merciful DM:
grappled and prone at 0
your turn! also make a save vs. blue fire

Mat the Magnificent:
save succeeds!

Merciful DM:
sizzle sizzle
what do you do?

Mat the Magnificent:
Gaze impressedly at my expended resources

Merciful DM:
honestly, you've made an intense effort

Mat the Magnificent:
How valuable are holy symbols?
just shitty ones
Made of tin?

Merciful DM:
of course that's what you brought with you [E: Thieves start with a Mystery Package to the value of 1d20 copper, Mat's was worth 3]

Mat the Magnificent:
:)

Merciful DM:
the wrapping tears under your hand

what do you do with it?

Mat the Magnificent:
Press it into the demon's face

Merciful DM:
make an attack

Mat the Magnificent:
And pray

Merciful DM:
no penalty from prone or grappled

Mat the Magnificent:
hit!
what do I roll?

Merciful DM:
from a shitty tin piece? 1d6. I'm not saying its got a 50% chance to finish the job but...

Mat the Magnificent:
All that damage is from opportunist

Merciful DM:
mmmmmmhm

Mat the Magnificent:
Even if it's not I'm saying it is
aw

Merciful DM:
awwwww
THE DERVISH has 2hp remaining

Mat the Magnificent:
TICK

Merciful DM:
TOCK
roll it!

Mat the Magnificent:
:O

Merciful DM:
the autowinder is all the way over in the corner when it finally bursts, sending shrapnel and occultum flying

Mat the Magnificent:
Never have I been so happy to be point blank of a horrific explosion
While grappled by a MAJOR DEMON

Merciful DM:
both of you get to save vs 1d8 damage

Mat the Magnificent:
I succeed
BOOM

Merciful DM:
*shink*
THE DERVISH sinks down onto you, flames steadily dying
from behind, you hear very very faint applause, and you feel the presence of another smoke ghost come closer
"Say there." says the undead elf "That was quite something. How do you feel about taking on... bigger game?"

- - - - - SESSION END - - - - -