Wampus Weirdo Generation

Sourced from: Wampus Country - I Miss Gleep Wurp

First name:
Last name:
Nickname:
Occupation:
Origin:

Solar System Generator v1.0

In short, an automated version of this amazing resource. Utterly stellar research has gone into making the Astrometrics Guide to Exoplanets, and I hope I've done it justice in automating it here. Enjoy!

THE ROD OF SEVENTY SEVEN PARTS

A few abilities inspired by/stolen from Skerples article about artefacts

X = number of segments combined
Flipping a segment like a coin will always have it land on it’s edge, and roll towards the nearest segment you don’t own.

If you're not sure where the segments might be, roll 1d100 each time you arrive at a new area:

1. For sale from a tinker, for favours bizarre
2. With a warlord that knows not what he has
3. Trapped in a lab with a brain in a jar
4. At the bottom of a well
5. Buried in the ruins of a collapsed church
6. Functioning as part of a town lightning rod
7. Floating on a solid cloud
8. In the middle of a field, surrounded by dead cows and burnt grass
9. In the nest of an immense crow
10. The wedding ring of an eccentric princess
11. or more: not here! Keep looking

The Rod of Seventy Seven Parts is highly unstable, and does not go together easily. When joining together segments, the Rod has an X-7 in 20 chance of backfiring:
1dX segments teleport away and…

1. The rod explodes for Xd6 damage, 20ft radius
2. You are polymorphed into a random animal
3. Killed stone dead, no save, with an idiot expression on your face
4. Surrounding area is teleported in a random direction
5. 1d20 lightning bolts hit randomly all around
6. An apocalypse happens, just a local one

Adding the eighth segment has a 1-in-20 chance of going kapow, the ninth 2-in-20 etc. Joining together parts using mechanical/magical assistance may deflect or reduce the effects.

Abilities that recharge daily will do so at the first ray of dawn. Abilities that recharge weekly will do so on the dawn of the Sabbath. Cunning users will wrangle this to their advantage.

1. Wind-up as an action, next hit deals 1d20 damage on a hit, staggers you on a miss
2. Unique ranged attacks, deals 1d8 on a hit. Range increases with segments collected
3. As shield, blocks 1d12 damage X times before consequences
4. Transforms into any weapon
5. Absorbs spells from wands/scrolls/magic items etc. can hold X
6. If you don’t attack in a round, +X to Defence
7. Deals exploding damage on a max roll
8. X additional attacks per day, 1d6 self-damage per two extras
9. +X to-hit, +X damage
10. Polymorphs the rod into a seven-legged spider with X HD. Has a X% chance of going rogue, if it thinks it can best you in a fight. If the spider dies, the rod falls apart  and scatters segments everywhere.
11. Perfectly block an attack, 1/day
12. Perfectly hit an attack, 1/day
13. Scan enemy HP, 1/combat
14. Reroll failed saves while at full HP and/or wearing exceptionally fine clothes
15. Change the dimensions of the rod by x7 in any direction
16. Emits light as a torch for X hours per day
17. +2X inventory slots
18. Escape a dungeon with your party, up to X floors beneath the surface
19. Can recreate the image and sound of a 10 minute scene in the last X days
20. Vibrates gently whenever you are about to do something likely lethal
21. Telepathy by making eye-contact, unusual usage up to X/day (just talking is fine, yelling, imitating other voices, is “unusual”)
22. Translates between any languages, 10-X % chance of a mix-up per conversation
23. Ask Advice, X/week
24. Scout room, X/day
25. Copies an ability you have been struck by, use it X/day
26. Increase max HP by 2X
27. Immune to critical hits
28. Immune to level drain and death effects
29. Take half damage from [1. Fire, 2. Poison, 3. Spells, 4. Traps, 5. Bladed weapons 6. Falling]
30. Block the first X MD from spells per day
31. Multiply damage by 1+1dX on a critical hit
32. Critical range increases by X/2
33. Reroll a d20, X/day
34. Automatically succeed a d20 roll, X/week
35. Produce an exceedingly useful item, X/week
36. Produce a basic supply item, X/day
37. Levitate up and down, slowly
38. Walk on water
39. Produces X hours of breathable air per day
40. Blink, deals 1d6 damage every additional time used
41. Teleport, 1/day
42. Animate Object, X/day
43. Invisibility, X rounds of combat per day, or X minutes non-combat
44. Recharge any daily ability 1/day
45. Add 1 MD to a spell, X/week
46. Sleep, targets X HD of enemies, 1/day
47. Fly, X passengers, 1/day
48. Reattach a lost limb, 1/day
49. Heal Xd4 HP per day
50. Fireball, Xd6 damage, 1/day
51. Transmute Flesh to Stone and Back, X/day
52. Transmute [Weird] to [Weird], X/day
53. Silent Illusion X/day
54. Control [1. Fire 2. Water 3. Earth 4. Air] X/day
55. Ask a yes/no question about something you tap, X/day
56. Detect Invisible
57. Detect Poison
58. Locate Object, within X miles
59. Detect Magic, X/day
60. Speak with Dead, X/day
61. Speak with [1. Fire 2. Water 3. Earth 4. Air] X/day
62. Speak with [1. Locks, 2. Shoes, 3. Arrows, 4. Blood, 5. Roads, 6. Statue, 7. Teeth, 8. Self, 9. Spell, 10. God, 11. Stars, 12. Universe, 13. Light, 14. Darkness, 15. Memories, 16. Dreams, 17. Lust, 18. Lies, 19. Dave, 20. Mother], X/day
63. Command Magnetism
64. Determine Weather
65. Astral Travel, X dreams
66. Neutralise Hunger, X people supported
67. +2 to a random stat, +4 with 7 or more segments
68. Change a random stat to 18, another is halved
69. Deal 1d6 damage to target in sight, X/day
70. Time-stop, X rounds/week
71. Cast a random spell, X/day
72. Telekinesis, up to X kg at a time
73. Pass through X feet of solid material per day
74. Undo previous round, 1/week
75. Wish, 1/century
76. True Resurrection, 1/century
77. Extends lifespan by X times

A brief exchange

Spoilers. Credit Ian Jacobson

Me:
The west area has a couple nooks off the main room. In one is a large wooden chest. In the other, is a circle of chalk drawn in strange runes around a pedestal. Leaning against the pedestal is a weird wavy dagger, while there is a large, plain looking sword lying atop it.

Erziver the Gnome:
I want to step carefully towards the chest and inspect the latch

Me:
Looks fine to you, no signs of weird magic or trickery.

Erziver:
I tap the latch with the butt of my axe

Me:
Clink
Nothing. The latch is definitely free of traps

Bertrude, Nearly-Paladin:
I look at the rest of the chest for traps

Erziver:
"Wise choice, Bertrude"

Bertrude:
I know the mind games

Erziver:
I'll sit in my saddle, hand on the latch, anxious to flip the fucker open

Me:
No traps
Do you open it Erziver?

Erziver:
I do!
OPEN OPEN OPEN

Me:
Inside the box is... another chest!

Erziver:
Damnit! Does it have any obvious traps?

Me:
No obvious traps, no wires or runes or anything like that

Erziver:
I'll flip the lid up with my axe handle

Me:
The smaller chest lunges out of the bigger box and tries to bite your face off!
Roll defence, at +1 since you had the axe in the way

Erziver:
Failed!

Me:
Ka-chomp, goes the chest on your arm, for... 8 damage.
Maybe that's your face, not your arm

Bertrude:
Fuck

Erziver:
Haha! I'm at exactly 0 HP!

Bertrude:
Bertrude immediately grabs the chest and tries to pull it off

Erziver:
Fate smiles faintly on me

Me:
Make a Strength check Bertrude!

Bertrude:
"Wee friend!"

Me:
(I hope that wasn't too much of a 'gotcha', but you were looking for "obvious traps" :shrug: )

Bertrude:
Success
I never thought of a mimic in a chest

Erziver:
I even considered sinking my axe into the top in anger
Oh yeah thats a clever ass mimic

Bertrude:
Unless its an enchanted chest
In which case im good at dissasembling constructs

Uwela the Kobold:
Little mimic would be cuter though.

Erziver:
So its off of me, right?

Me:
It's off, wriggling in Bertrude's hands. Which it will shortly try and eat. You can see Ezriver's blood on it's fangs, but it doesn't seem to have hit anything too important.

Erziver:
I want to sink my axe into the top of the thing!

Me:
Uwela it is adorable
Make an attack! Don't fail by a lot, or you'll hit Bert!

Erziver:
"Damn fucking trickery! DIE!"
Failed by 5?
Oh no

Me:
Oh no
Is that a lot?
Hmm
Erziver, you clip Bertrude with your axe
"Clip", for 4 damage

Bertrude:
Dammit, you did more damage to me than the dungeon did
I twist away and drop the thing, hissing in pain
Then I stomp on it
Dead space stylez

Bertrude:
I have a greataxe
"If you'd waited!"
Stomp
"I would've!"
Stomp
"Killed it!"
STOMP.

Erziver:
"Damnit damnit damnit!" I RAGE! "YOUR BLOOD WASNT WHAT I WANTEDD"

Uwela, quietly, in the background:
"Well this is getting out of hand..."

Me:
You all spend some time therapeutically stomping the absolute shit out of this tiny little mimic. it's guts, such as they are, are dribbling through the flagstones, and it's fangs shatter like glass.

Uwela:
I'll pass on stomping. Poor mimic.

Me:
I'm typing this whole exchange up
It's my favourite

"There are more things in Heav- OH GOD IT'S BACK KILL IT KILL IT" - Nightmare Parasite for GLOG

Long, long ago, I was interested in this. I then discovered GLOG, and all of that melted away. But some of it stuck around. This is a love-letter to a 3.5e rebalancing homebrew, written for an OSR DIY sub-system:

For those who do walk his path, who embrace Terror as a means of strength, they may master the primordial arts of that Titan which should not have lived. To them, “Unafraid” is a mistranslation of “Ignorant”.

These inborn instincts can be traced back to The Nightmare himself, who rots and decays in that destitute pit, letting his existence blossom out unto the great wheel, spreading his legend, watching even in death, silently pushing those of his ascendents closer to his dream of perfect life. 

~ Xefas

It's so... purple. I dig it. This hobby rules.

Micah from Nuclear Haruspex designed this challenge to create parasite-related content for GLOG. There are many others like it, but this one is mine:

Biocon
Body King
Cuckoo Folk
Eater of Tongues
Hydrargent
Klyntar
Mother of Osk
Mycorrhizan
PARASITE
Parasite Brain
Spellbug
Temporal Paradox
Umbrant

Most other contributions are about people that have parasites, or playing a parasite that infects someone. You are a parasite, a scar, a blot on reality itself. And you're hungry.

This is you now. Credit Piotr Foksowicz